Ok - my turn to suggest a film...its old, but good.  "Panic in Needle Park"  - it is from the late 60's/early 70's...and I promise, you have never seen Al Pacino like this!  Good movie.    (Thu Jul 21 18:32 2005)

I tried to log on twice today and could not get on - so, once again, I chickened out of increasing my dosage.  The past day or two I have been sooo tired.  Not sure why.  Starting to wonder if it might be the Zoloft???
I preferred it when the Zoloft was making me feel totally energized.  No one wants to feel tired all day long....or at least I don't!   (Thu Jul 21 18:34 2005)

Good to see you mate!  I miss you when your gone!!!   (Thu Jul 21 18:35 2005)

yes, I read the posts from the other night.  Don't worry.  I think they issue lies with the other person.  Stop apologizing and just let some time pass.  I know this sounds bad, but I often avoid posting directly to that particular person, when possible.  I am not judging, just being cautious, as many of the old posts have somewhat of a violent undertone to them.  Just freaks me out a little. ya know??

Besides, you piss me off every single day, and yet I still luv ya!   HEHEHEHHHEHHEHE  (you know I am kidding!!!)
Smile, take a moment to chuckle, and concentrate on something else.  I wish I had a joke to tell you or something....but I never can remember any jokes.....sorry.  The above ws the best I could come up with on the fly:)   (Thu Jul 21 18:39 2005)

It's lightning ootside....gonna log off and finish my posts later....
ta ta my sweeties.   (Thu Jul 21 18:40 2005)

Thanks Michelle and Panicccy,
    I was surprised to see you on this page Michelle. You are our Michelle from the forum right?  This is my secret hiding place.  Not that it's that great of a hiding place, anybody can come here, but most people post of the forum.  Welcome.  I appreciate the support Panicccy and Michelle.  And yes this person scares me too- that's one of the reasons I have written to her to get over that fear and see if I can get her to get some trust.  I hope she doesn't read this.  I think she is o.k.  Even though she sounds tough a lot of her responses are surprisingly tame- for instance she respects honesty and truthfulness.  She sought me out this last time, but I think she is afraid to get to close to anybody or to trust them.  I like her, but it is a challenge to communicate with me.  She lashes out at people, but I think she was raised that way.  Anyway, you can't force anyone to like you or to trust you so I am backing off.  If she wants to talk to me she can, but I don't want to have any weird sort of codependency going on.  Sometimes you can reason with people and sometimes you can't.   (Thu Jul 21 22:24 2005)

Why do my fingers keep typing words I don't mean to say?  It's like they have a mind of their own. I just reread what I wrote and it should have said,"it's a challenge to communicate with her".  Do you suppose they are Freudian slips or just the result of a headached I have right now.   (Thu Jul 21 22:26 2005)

WW,
I respect all that you have offered me on the forum.  Please keep in mind that what you post under meds is just as open as the forum.  I personally don't take offense to much, but others may.  I am so happy that you have a good group to talk to under meds, that is all part of the healing for all of you.  I am not the forum police, and I believe that anyone can say whatever they want to on a forum, just keep in mind that the med site is just as open as the forum site.  No judgements on my part, but others may be hurt.   (Thu Jul 21 22:56 2005)

Okay, I just got back from cruising around the forum and read SAAW's note.  It sounds a little more friendly- so I take it to mean I'm on probation for a while to see if she can trust me.  I am still fighting off the headache I got falling asleep in my chair watching Revelations. I just took an Advil and I'm going to go try to stay away for the concluding episode of the series.  My husband bought it for me- so I was able to stop it to go check the net.  Ratbag, I wonder where all those messages go that disappear before you send them.    (Thu Jul 21 23:45 2005)

Michelle,
    Your message popped up right after mine and you are right.  I got a note from baffet about the new chatroom.  That might be a safer place to talk.  I usually don't write anything that I don't mind the whole forum reading, but I got carried away with my emotions and needed to vent.  So SAAW if you make it up here and see my messages, sorry.  I got my feelings hurt and wanted to talk to somebody about it.  Now you guys have to help me out by writing a bunch of messages here- so that my messages get buried further back.     (Thu Jul 21 23:50 2005)

You can add making bad judgement calls based on emotions to the list of side effects of going off of meds. Michelle.  I have been letting my emotions rule over my brains.  Thanks for reminding me of where I am.  I guess I need to start keeping a private diary again.  I used to journal a lot to work my way through emotions.  Sometimes I also write long angry letters at people and then tear them up into little pieces and throw them away instead of sending them.  That gets rid of a lot of anger so that I can face situations more rationally.  It has been up over 100 degrees everyday and I don't do well in hot weather either.  Anyway thanks.  Were you always this perfect?  How come you are able to keep yourself together so well?   (Fri Jul 22 0:38 2005)

At the moment, I'm looking out of my window at a giant full moon. It looks so close. In fact it looks so close I feel tempted to reach out and touch it. The most relaxing time of each day is at night, so I can't help but wish I could just climb aboard the moon and disappear each day.

Panicccy, we started Zoloft on the same day, so it might help if I update you on how it's been going for me. You said that you have been really tired the past few days. It could be the Zoloft, but I have been feeling kind of the opposite. I was taking half in the morning and half at night and I realized it was keeping me up. So, now I'm just taking the whole 50 mg in the morning and it seems to kick in several hours later, and it feels like a gradually surge of energy. That's part of the reason I bought those sleeping pills, so I can actually get some sleep!

However, being that I've been taking Vicodin and been smoking a few cigarrettes here and there the past couple days, maybe it's kind of fucking with the medication, who knows. Either way, I have an appointment in a week and a half with the Psychiatrist that prescribed me the Zoloft, and I'm going to see if I can get some kind of Benzo to take when needed since I no longer have the Vicodin. I'm interested to know more of how you've been doing with the Zoloft.

Like I said before, those sleeping pills have kicked in full gear, so I'm too tired to type anymore right now. Goodnight everyone!

P.S. - I'm going to a friends cabin for the weekend with a bunch of my friends, and so I won't be back until Sunday, which means I most likely won't have access to my Forum Buddies for a couple of days. I'll check back in tomorrow morning before I leave, but I just wanted to wish you all a great weekend!

I feel like we are all like stars. During the day we are nearly impossible to be seen, but throughout the night, we shine like tin angels among a dark midnight canvas. We were meant to stand out. We were given this depression, this anxiety, this pain, so that we will feel alive when we get past it. We are the hopeful, we are the endless explorers, who believe that the pain inside of us will end and that brighter days are yet to come. If we didn't believe that, we would have killed ourselves already. Maybe for some of us, our stars are burning out and fading away, but through it all, I still think we we will all reappear someday.

Well, I hope you guys had a wonderful day. It's about 11:45 PM right now, and I can't believe I'm home already! I was over at a friends house with a bunch of people watching The Lady Killers, but my girlfriend had to leave, and because the movie was so damn bad I figured I'd just head out as well.

Michelle, in your post you were wondering why it appears that I have an endless supply of Vicodin. Well, to answer that question, I don't. I was given a bottle of 30 of them last summer after I underwent knee surgury, and I took advantage of using my 1 refill. But I took them off and on throughout the school year, and they ended up lasting me until December. However, in June I had my Wisdom Teeth taken out and I was given the same amount. Knowing that Vicodin is impossible to get unless you have a legitament reason, I told the Dr. I had lost my bottle and that I needed to be prescribe more. So after milking it for all it was worth, I was able to scramble up 90 pills. However, I took the last of my supply last Sunday, where I downed 6,000 mg in a desperate attempt to feel good... which I very much did. I know that it's prescribed to relieve physical Pain, but I believe me, it does wonders for the emotional and mental pain as well.

Anyways, I'm all out of it now, so I'm pretty bummed. You also mentioned that you used to tube the apple river, I have done that a few times but normally I go to the Cannon River, which is like a million times better!

The other day I was at Target and I came across this stuff made by Tylenol called Simply Sleep, it was cheap so I figured I'd buy it to try it out. It said non-habit forming on the package, so I decided it may be kind of fun to try. The past few nights I've been taking it, and I've been getting some great night's rest in. But anyways, I took a dose of it about an hour ago, so I'm really feeling tired, and I can't stop yawning throughout every sentence I've been writing.

   (Fri Jul 22 1:09 2005)

Hey, sorry that last post didn't make any sense. While I'm writing messages, I constantly copy it, so that if my computer messes up while posting it, I don't lose what I was going to say. I must have clicked paste or something, and it posted all out of order. Anyways, I'll post it correctly!   (Fri Jul 22 1:14 2005)

At the moment, I'm looking out of my window at a giant full moon. It looks so close. In fact it looks so close I feel tempted to reach out and touch it. The most relaxing time of each day is at night, so I can't help but wish I could just climb aboard the moon and disappear each day.

I feel like we are all like stars. During the day we are nearly impossible to be seen, but throughout the night, we shine like tin angels among a dark midnight canvas. We were meant to stand out. We were given this depression, this anxiety, this pain, so that we will feel alive when we get past it. We are the hopeful, we are the endless explorers, who believe that the pain inside of us will end and that brighter days are yet to come. If we didn't believe that, we would have killed ourselves already. Maybe for some of us, our stars are burning out and fading away, but through it all, I still think we we will all reappear someday.

Well, I hope you guys had a wonderful day. It's about 11:45 PM right now, and I can't believe I'm home already! I was over at a friends house with a bunch of people watching The Lady Killers, but my girlfriend had to leave, and because the movie was so damn bad I figured I'd just head out as well.

Michelle, in your post you were wondering why it appears that I have an endless supply of Vicodin. Well, to answer that question, I don't. I was given a bottle of 30 of them last summer after I underwent knee surgury, and I took advantage of using my 1 refill. But I took them off and on throughout the school year, and they ended up lasting me until December. However, in June I had my Wisdom Teeth taken out and I was given the same amount. Knowing that Vicodin is impossible to get unless you have a legitament reason, I told the Dr. I had lost my bottle and that I needed to be prescribe more. So after milking it for all it was worth, I was able to scramble up 90 pills. However, I took the last of my supply last Sunday, where I downed 6,000 mg in a desperate attempt to feel good... which I very much did. I know that it's prescribed to relieve physical Pain, but I believe me, it does wonders for the emotional and mental pain as well.

Anyways, I'm all out of it now, so I'm pretty bummed. You also mentioned that you used to tube the apple river, I have done that a few times but normally I go to the Cannon River, which is like a million times better!

The other day I was at Target and I came across this stuff made by Tylenol called Simply Sleep, it was cheap so I figured I'd buy it to try it out. It said non-habit forming on the package, so I decided it may be kind of fun to try. The past few nights I've been taking it, and I've been getting some great night's rest in. But anyways, I took a dose of it about an hour ago, so I'm really feeling tired, and I can't stop yawning throughout every sentence I've been writing.

Panicccy, we started Zoloft on the same day, so it might help if I update you on how it's been going for me. You said that you have been really tired the past few days. It could be the Zoloft, but I have been feeling kind of the opposite. I was taking half in the morning and half at night and I realized it was keeping me up. So, now I'm just taking the whole 50 mg in the morning and it seems to kick in several hours later, and it feels like a gradually surge of energy. That's part of the reason I bought those sleeping pills, so I can actually get some sleep!

However, being that I've been taking Vicodin and been smoking a few cigarrettes here and there the past couple days, maybe it's kind of fucking with the medication, who knows. Either way, I have an appointment in a week and a half with the Psychiatrist that prescribed me the Zoloft, and I'm going to see if I can get some kind of Benzo to take when needed since I no longer have the Vicodin. I'm interested to know more of how you've been doing with the Zoloft.

Like I said before, those sleeping pills have kicked in full gear, so I'm too tired to type anymore right now. Goodnight everyone!

P.S. - I'm going to a friends cabin for the weekend with a bunch of my friends, and so I won't be back until Sunday, which means I most likely won't have access to my Forum Buddies for a couple of days. I'll check back in tomorrow morning before I leave, but I just wanted to wish you all a great weekend!
   (Fri Jul 22 1:15 2005)

Thanks Andrew for the good timing you always have to always reappear just when I need a need a diversion.  I was feeling kind of like a hypocrite and a jerk because someone just said something nice to me after I talked behind their back.  They said I seemed to be too good to be true- which apparently they were correct about.  You know all these sci. fi shows where some android or alien life form suddenly discovers emotions- well that's how I feel right now.  I'm wondering if I was this moody before I started Zoloft, because I really can't remember anything objectively anymore one way or another.  One thing my husband said was that I used to agonize excessively about everything, but when I started Zoloft he noticed that I quit doing that.  I may have to take my original full name back (Worry Wart)  I signed up as WW.   (Fri Jul 22 1:30 2005)

Today is my Day 37 on Zoloft.  I was tired all day long.  I don’t know what is going on with me.  I don’t know if is the heat and humidity or the Zoloft.  When I first started taking Zoloft, I found it invigorating.  Over the past several days, I have been really tired.  Anyway…
I was supposed to go to 100mg yesterday.  Since the site was down today, I chickened out again and only took 50mg.  I need my support system up and ready to be there before I brave such a sudden increase in dosage.  If I would have been thinking, I would have asked my doctor for a starter pack of the 23 and 50’s to take for a week (combing the 25 with a 50) prior to jumping to 100mg.  But I was not thinking.  Since the drive is so far, it is not like I can just run up the street to pick up a starter pack. Ya know.  
Today I had to take .5mg of Ativan prior to driving my daughter to the orthodontist.  My heart was racing all morning and I had a headache.  About an hour after I took the Ativan, I felt fine.  Once at the orthodontist, I was soooo glad I took the Ativan, as there was this lady in there with 5 girls, ranging in age from 4-10.  No one was watching them and they were being sooooo annoying.  I think I would have had serious issues if I had no ttaken the Ativan prior to going.  Then, my daughter and I went shopping for a baby shower gift for my neighbor.  I came home and laid down until it was time for Big Brother to come on.  My husband and I watched Big Brother and then I jumped on the PC to check on the progress of my golfers.  My daughter informed us that her friend was going to stop by around 8:30 to deliver an invitation to a party.  So, I picked up the front room, dining room, and living room as little bit, as they were quite messy.  Not dirty, just games and stuff thrown about.  Anyway, the girl and her mother did not show until 11PM!!!  I could not believe how rude it was for them to show up, unannounced, on a work night, at 11PM.  I made my daughter meet them at the door, as my husband and I had already dressed for bed.  I feel kinda bad about it, but I would never be so rude as to do that to someone on a work night.  Anyway….
That was my Day 37 on Zoloft.
   (Fri Jul 22 1:32 2005)

Andrew it is so weird. Your first message wasn't there and then it suddenly appeared in front of the second message.  Thanks for writing a lot.  You sound pretty good.     (Fri Jul 22 1:36 2005)

Panicccy, I bet you can buy a pill splitter at your local pharmacy. They just cost a couple bucks.  Yes, I do think it's rude to show up at someone's house that late.     (Fri Jul 22 1:43 2005)

Simply Sleep is simply Diphenhydramine HCl.  It is the same exact thing as Benedryl, an antihistamine.  Just an FYI, antihistimes can cause daytime dizziness.  And don't use them over what is written on the box, as it breething problems, etc.
Otherwise, if you do not have an adversion to antihistimines, they are generally safe if taken as directed.   (Fri Jul 22 1:52 2005)

Good-night everyone.  I'll talk to you in the morning.  As Scarlet would say, "Tomorrow is another day".   (Fri Jul 22 1:54 2005)

I noticed I am more moody while on Zoloft, esp during the first few weeks.  I used to be really layed back and patient, except for the anxiety/panic issues.  Then, once I started Zoloft, I noticed I have a lower tollerance for screaming children, before I get agrivated or get a headache.  Luckily, I have none in the house, so it is just an "outing" issue.  I also have noticed that I am more impatient while playing board games (like waiting for the other person to finally take his/her turn), etc.  
Whay do you think about the recent tiredness I have been experiencing?  -Zoloft or coincidence?   (Fri Jul 22 1:57 2005)

Panicccy, As usual I say good-night and then don't go to bed, so here I am again to answer your question.  I went back to the forum and things are kind of patched up I think.  I don't know about the whole moods thing.  The main thing with me was that I quit obsessing and agonizing over things so much on Zoloft.  I remember having plenty of emotions on Zoloft too, but in general I was just kind of mellow.  But I got kind of outspoken and that kind of scared me because normally I am pretty passive.  Sometimes it served me well speaking out and sometimes it didn't.  I didn't care that much what other people thought of me- which is a double edged sword:  good when you can stand up for yourself, bad when you tell off your boss.     (Fri Jul 22 2:36 2005)

Thanks about the Simply Sleep and Benedral info. Andrew.  It's funny how I didn't see your post earlier.  Benedral does make me sleepy, but I only take it when I get food allergy symptoms- which unfortunately seems to be pretty often.  It makes me sleepy.   (Fri Jul 22 11:30 2005)

It's nice to hear you are doing so well Michelle.  I had a little of my old dizziness back, but did not conciously feel anxious.  I'm out of less drowsy formula Dramamine and I didn't want to fall asleep on the job, so I just put up with the dizziness.  I notice lately that when I feel dizzy, my neck muscles are really tight.  So maybe if I can learn to relax those muscles it will help.  My tutor kid latched on to this joke and riddle book tonight- at least it got him reading and learning new vocab. words.  The bad part is that some of the jokes were really dumb and he made me guess them.  He didn't accept an answer that was close.  He wanted a word for word answer, so he gave me a lot of hints.  After two hours of this I was getting really good at figuring out the answers. It was stuff like, "Why is grass so dangerous?"  "Because, it's full of blades."  "What did the baby porpupine say when it backed into a cactus?"  "Is that you, mom?"   (Fri Sep 2 0:12 2005)

Andrew!!!  IT is so very good to hear from you.  We were worried.  Unless your parents have a key logger on your machine, I would bet that is more likely that a friend or relative ratted you out, as opposed to them actually seeing your posts.  Good luck at University.  My thoughts and hugs are with you.  Type when you can and be well!  BTW – did you end up sticking with the Zoloft or switching to Effexor?  How is your med helping/not helping?   (Fri Sep 2 1:41 2005)

Today is my Day 78 on Zoloft.  I am tired so I will try to be brief.  Let’s see.  This afternoon, my friend had her first child.  He is a cutie patootie!  Nice, healthy, bouncing baby boy….Yea!!!
I took .5mg of Ativan this afternoon and went to pick up my daughter.  After dinner, I went to a friend’s house for about 30 minutes and then went to get some groceries (on my own).  I did great.  While at the grocery store, I ran into several men that were loading up supplies to take, in their truck beds, to the people dying on the highways of Louisiana.  I gave them some cash and wished them luck.  I returned home and started laundry.  Then, I made cookies and ate cookies.  There is other daily stuff I did, but I covered the ones that cause me anxiety, etc.  So, I’m off to bed, as I did not sleep well last night (my friend went into labor in the middle of the night and I was too excited to sleep.  I just played watch the clock and wait for the phone game).  That was my Day 78 on Zoloft.
   (Fri Sep 2 1:47 2005)

WW, Michelle, jen B, Ratbag, etc....
I will read your posts tomorrow and type more then.....
Have a wonderful holiday weekend!   (Fri Sep 2 1:48 2005)

I just had a massage, so I won't talk long.  I want to go lie down and enjoy my relaxation.  However, I would like to mention that I finally located my pill splitter.  It doesn't work too well on the Zoloft tho, as they are not round....and I think the splitter works best on round pills.  Anyway, I was able to split the Zoloft the best I could, although the protective coating did not make it through the splitting process.  Anyway, since I was able to log on today so that I could have the support needed, I took 75mg.  Today will be my first day on 75mg.  However, I just now took my Zoloft, as the masseuse just left about 20 minutes ago.
I hope you all are having a good day and I will see you guys later tonight!   (Fri Jul 22 17:19 2005)

Let us know how that goes.  Does your masseuse come to the house?  I just went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  It was good, but I like the old one better.  This one gives a lot more background and info.   (Fri Jul 22 18:14 2005)

Yes, my masseuse comes to my house.  I have been a client of hers for about 3-4 years now.  She was awesome in helping me when I injured my back and wanted to come off of the narcotic painkillers.  When she first started coming, we would do restorative yoga and meditation.  Then, once all the meds were out of my system, we started doing bodywork (massage) as well.  The past 3 ½ years, she has been coming to just help me “be”.  It’s weird – but I am soooo attached to her.  I think because she helped me through such an awful time in my life.  Ya know.  She is a wonderful lady.  She is a yogi, a massage therapist, and an herbalist.  On top of that, she is just an outstanding woman.  It is way more expensive for someone to come to your home but is  soooo worth it!  It is noce to be able to just relax and be after we work together, instead of having to drive home in traffic.  I love it!   (Fri Jul 22 22:57 2005)

Today is my Day 38 on Zoloft.  As you all know, I was supposed to increase my dose to 100mg on Tuesday.  However, the site was having problems Tuesday and Wednesday, and so I chickened out.  Yesterday, I was going to take WW advice and do the pill splitter thing, but I could no locate that sucker anywhere.  Finally, today I was able to locate it in the darkened depths of a rarely used drawer.  Anyway….splitting the pills was harder than I expected.  Since they are not round, I had some issues getting a clean quad-split.  The protective coating came apart form the pill on one side, and ¼ of the pill was left in crumbles.  Yet…I endured.  So, I took 75mg late this afternoon.  So, today was my first day at 75mg.  I felt a bit invigorated again, as I had been tired the last couple of days.  I am experiencing a side effect though – a mild case of diarrhea.  I do not know if it is a dosage issue, if it is something that happens to a lot of people OR if it a result of the protective coating coming off in the pill splitter.  Any input into this situation would be welcome.  Anyway…..
I rested for a bit after my massage.  Then, my daughter and I got ready to go out.  I took .5mg of Ativan and then we headed out to do some shopping and stuff.  We went to Nordstrom shopping for some school clothes, Starbucks for Frapps, to the record store for some CD’s, and then went shopping for her best friend’s birthday present.  Around 9PM, we stopped by a café for a quick bite to eat, as we both had forgotten to eat anything since lunch.  Now, I am deciding whether I should read a book, play video games, play board games with the family, or hang out on the Internet for a while.  I need to check on my golfers, but I could always do that late tonight after everyone goes to bed.  
So, that was my Day 38……and first day at 75mg.
   (Fri Jul 22 23:11 2005)

That sounds nice Panicccy.  During the school year we could go get chair massages at the school where I work, once a week- given by the daughter of one of the teachers.  That was nice.  Teachers make good massage clients- a lot of upper back, neck, and shoulder stress.  There's quite a few with lower back problems too.  It's not unusual to go into a teacher's classroom while the kids are at recess and find her resting flat on her back with her feet up against the wall.  I have gone in and talked to several teachers upside down when they were like that.     (Fri Jul 22 23:17 2005)

Good-night everybody.  I hope that you all sleep well and I'll talk to you again tomorrow.  Tell me how the 75 mg. went Panicccy.  That is uncharted territory for me so I am interested. I can't help wondering what it feels like on a higher dose.  I don't think I could do it because Zoloft makes me sleepy.    (Sat Jul 23 0:49 2005)

Well, if Zoloft starts making me sleepy all of the time, I;m gonna come off of it.  I want my life back, not my life snoozing on my back!  :)
   (Sat Jul 23 2:21 2005)

Where are you guys?  How are you all doing?   (Sat Jul 23 2:23 2005)

I don't mean to crash the party here, but it is great what you guys have going on.  As you know, I am a Paxil girl, but that thread is completey negative and depressing.  All are cursing the drug and its withdrawls.  God knows I don't need any negatives or added fears right now.  I have to stay away from there, as I do hope to quit meds one day and I do not need to have a huge list of symptoms to dwell on or self impose.  I can be very good at that!  I have gotten better in that area though.  I realize heartburn is heartburn, a headache is a headache, a hangover is a hangover, low blood sugar is low blood sugar etc.  It is not an ANXIETY attack, but it will become one if I dwell on it!!   (Sat Jul 23 12:20 2005)

Welcome to the Zoloft page then Michelle. It's a good place to get away from all the negativity. Just because you take Paxil doesn't mean that you are stuck on the Paxil page.  Besides we need a little new blood to liven things up here. Check my answer to John3:16 because it's also a message to you.    
   (Sat Jul 23 13:07 2005)

Is anyone good at dream interpretation?- because I had a strange one.  I woke up real early- about 6:00 this morning and got on-line.  Then after a while I went back to bed until about 10:30 and that's when had this weird convuluted dream.  Part of the dream involved crashing a private school graduation with my husband and a bunch of neighborhood kids that we were babysitting.  We had just seen something going on in the stadium across the street and decided to go check it out.  The students who were graduating looked very sharp sitting on bleachers, and when I heard them talking to each other they all called one another by strange internet names like we use online.  Then the graduation turned into a wedding mid-ceremony and when I was finding my seat, I almost stepped on the bride's bouquet, which was sitting on the ground.  The bride walked right past me, grabbed up her bouquet and proceeded to the alter.  I also had all these weird pencil shavings in my mouth that I kept taking out and as soon as I did that, more would appear.  I was carrying around this little baby and had toddlers in tow.  Some kids could talk and some couldn't.  None of us were dressed appropriately for a graduation or a wedding and I'm sure people were looking at us funny. It was very akward.    (Sat Jul 23 13:19 2005)

Michelle,
   I checked out the page you were talking about and saw what you meant.  I only just read a little, but enough to get the general idea.  People seem to divide up by meds quite a little bit I noticed.  I realize that this is because they have that drug in common and want to compare notes with each other.   It can be a good and positive thing or it can be a negative thing.  They give certain medications for one thing and certain medications for others.  What seems to happen though is that you get a lot of people who are depresssed and negative feeding off each other's sickness.  It's not always a good combination to stick a whole bunch of depressed people together because they make each other even more depressed.  Paxil and Zoloft are the 2 SSRI's rated the hardest to get off of because of the short half-lifes.  Paxil has an even shorter half-life that Zoloft, so I'm glad that when it is appropriate for you to go off of it, you are choosing to go real slow, Michelle.  Thanks for playing the part of my conscience the other day.  I'm sorry for being catty.  I really am.     (Sat Jul 23 13:41 2005)

My withdrawl plans are 20, 15, 10, 5, 2.5 off at 1 month intervals.  Does that sound reasonable?  I may do the 2.5 every other day for an additional month.  As I have said, I am really in no hurry, as tiredness and short term memory are my only side effects.  Next month, I will have my yearly pap, but am going to request a full blood work up as well.  Sometimes, I think this perimenopause causes some of my anxiety symptoms. Maybe I will have to stay on the drug until Menopause is complete. I will discuss that with the doctor.   (Sat Jul 23 14:03 2005)

O.K. This is really weird.  My son just came in the door and wanted to check the phone messages to see if he had gotten anything in regards to a friend's wedding. I did not know about this wedding.  Maybe I subconsciously heard him talking about it to somebody or maybe it's just one of those weird coincidences.   (Sat Jul 23 14:03 2005)

Michelle,
   That does sound like a reasonable withdrawal program.  I just looked in this book I have called The Antidepressant Solution by Joseph Glenmullen, M.D. and it suggests 50-25-12.5-0.  Your taper is even slower, which is probably good- because Paxil is hard to quit.  This book uses Paxil as the SSRI posterchild, so if you don't have this book, you may want to get it.  The one thing it stressed was that tapering programs need to be fitted to the individual as they way our bodies react to various drugs and withdrawal are all so different.  That Perimenapause thing is the pitts.  I get all geared up all the time with bloating, PMS (or as Ratbag calls it PMT- we aren't too shy around the guys on this page or we would never be able to talk girltalk at all) and then half the time I am just miserable for no reason because nothing happens.  I am overdue for a PAP and I need to have my first mammogram as I am over 40 now.  I have heard all the jokes about it and I would just as soon slam my head in a door- but I need to just bite that bullet and make the appointment.   (Sat Jul 23 14:22 2005)

Correction:  Paxil CR is 50-25-12.5-0.  Paxil is 60-40-20-10-0.  It sounds like you are not on a very high dose to begin with, so at least you have that in your favor plus a good attitude.   (Sat Jul 23 14:25 2005)

Yea, I assumed you were talking about the CR, but I got the drift!  Thanks!  Compared to the suggested reduction, my plan looks quite safe.  I hate pain!  I used to have a high tolerance for it before the anxiety stuff.  Now, pain triggers anxiety.  Yea, maybe 20 is a low dose my nephew in law has been on 40 for 5 years.

I read your post that included your experience in a college class on counceling.  I had to take that class, too.  It made me laugh.  Because of that class, counceling and therapy will never work for me.  I know too much about the game.:)   (Sat Jul 23 14:47 2005)

I have had a mammogram before - in my early 20's.  It hurts, but only for about 10 minutes.  The bigger your breast, the more pressure.  They put you breasts between two plates, smoosh them together and then leave the room to take the picture.  Then, repeat.  It will all be over in 10 minutes, so just hang in there.  Better ten minutes of extreme discomfort than a lifetime of worry :)
You can do it, WW!  I know you can!  You are doing great.  The mammo will be nothing compared to what you have been through...I promise!!!   (Sat Jul 23 14:49 2005)

I know.  The anticipation is always worse than just getting it over with.     (Sat Jul 23 15:20 2005)

Somehow I lost a few hours just sitting here at the computer doing this and that.  That seems to happen to me a lot.  So I'd better go make my escape for a while before the computer pulls me back into it's evil clutches.     (Sat Jul 23 15:36 2005)

Well, I just took 75mg of Zoloft.  Today is my second day on the increase.  I will let you guys know how it is going once I know more.....   (Sat Jul 23 15:39 2005)

Paniccy, I have had loose stools ever since I have started my SSRI.  Just once a day though, so I am not concerned.  If it was all day on and off for a week or more, I would take to a doctor.  This is kind of a shitty topic, huh?:)   (Sat Jul 23 15:52 2005)

Yea - I woulnt have minded except that it lasted about two hours - and we happened to be out shopping at the time.  That is what bothered me the most.  I hate using the bathroom in public places....well, I don't mind urinating in a clean restroom...but the other - awful!
I know, its one of my "weird" things....Oh well.   (Sat Jul 23 16:17 2005)