Yesterday was the first day I was able to go without a drink which means my anxiety must have dropped considerably in the last few weeks. If this continues for the next week or two I should be in pretty good shape by the time the treatment levels out. For people who have just started hang in there. I found that one day would be better the next day slightly worse with an overall general trend upwards.   (Mon Jul 12 16:22 2010)

This has been by far the best day yet for the last four months. In fact for the first time my morning anxiety was minimal and I have been able to concentrate much better on work and conversations. I'm feeling very optimistic about the future. I'm also optimistic that in two to four more weeks when the full effects kick in I'll feel even better. Right now I'm at a level I feel I can function at which is a huge relief   (Wed Jul 7 16:06 2010)

I've noticed that alot of the comments on Cipralex are quite negative/depressing, however this is actually a relatively positive story.
I have suffered from low level anxiety for about 7 years and I suspect depression before that. My anxiety suddenly spiked about three months ago to the point where I was under constant distress and had panic attacks/disturbing thoughts that made me wish I was not even alive at times. I talked to my doctor who put me on 10 mg of Cipralex, I was reluctant to go on medication but I was almost becoming non functional in terms of my concentration and abuse of alcohol.

I noticed some symptom relief within a week. After almost 2 weeks I started to feel more relaxed body wise and I noticed that my anxious thoughts would no longer spiral out of control. Side effect wise I would wake up every night the first two weeks but felt calm and my mind was clear. I also noticed difficulty(but not impossibility) achieving orgasm the first two weeks.I then had another bad attack shortly before the two week mark which was followed by one week of no libido whatsoever, no sexual interest which caused some problems with my girlfriend and increased my anxiety. I talked to my doctor who encouraged me to stay on. After that week of nothing my libido came back ended up making love 3 times that day. Since then I haven't had trouble with libido or hitting orgasm, that side effect has subsided. The anxiety has gradually subsided in intensity over the last two weeks. I notice one day it seems gone then it comes back a little the next day but has over the course of 4 weeks improves when I compare it to the week before.

I notice that its worse in the morning but subsides throughout the day and by evening I feel calm by bedtime I forget that I have anxious thoughts and think that I'm in the clear. It has gradually subsided in intensity and I'm now feeling more optimistic that I may be able to live a normal life and even get back to where I was three months prior. It's easier to concentrate on work now too. I'll try to check in in two weeks when the full effects are supposed to be felt and let you know what's happening. i just think it's nice to hear something positive everything I had read on the net was so negative that I was starting to get anxious about that!

   (Tue Jul 6 13:55 2010)

My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
Day Eight - May 21, 2010

Anyone know the Bruce Springsteen song 'I'm On Fire'? Well that sums up how I feel at the moment as I sit at my desk at work at 8.30am. To quote another song I am feeling 'Hot, Hot, Hot' and the sun hasn't even probably risen yet.

Since being on Ciprlaex the biggest physical impact for me has definitley been this increase in heat/sweating and it is pretty horrible in the morning. I do recall this from last time but not to this extent and is more than a tad uncomfortable.

The point of a diary is to report things 'warts and all' and so it is only fair to say the warts are out at the moment (not literally thankfully).

My depressive thoughts seem to be higher than usual as are my anxiety bursts at times and it is hard to know what is causing all these sensations and to what extent the med side effects are causing them or highlighting them. I think it is probably the latter in that as the pills do their stuff things can take a bit of a dive but I really hope this subsides sooner rather than later because it is pretty tough.

On the plus side though the day does get better as it goes on and by the mid-early evening I feel like I am coping fine. I know it will even out eventually and the OK periods will become the norm rather than the exception but I guess we are all impatient and I just want it to happen soon.

Oh well at least the weekend looms. I haven't got much planned (a good thing) but at least the pressure of work subsides. Only downside is that we are expecting a heatwave here in the UK. A heatwave when I am sweating a lot and feeling constantly hot already. Nightmare!

Sam

   (Fri May 21 3:44 2010)

My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
Day Six - May 19, 2010

Back again and have to confess, today has not been good.

The pills are obviously doing their stuff now in terms of getting into my body and trying to find the problem and in the meantime they have left me feeling a bit spaced out and somewhat, ahem, tense.

My levels of concentration and energy are pretty limited and although as I write this I know I am on a mid-afternoon slight upward curve this morning was really rather rocky and I felt very hot and bothered - quite literally.

What I have started to do is to do a rough hand-drawn graph where by the hour I mark how I am feeling on a scale of '1-10'. I don't really get above five until nowish (3pm) to be honest and 10am seems a particularly bad time but I know I will steadily improve throughout the rest of the day.

By doing this graph thinggy (and this diary) I hope to mark my progress and look forward to seeing better scores in the days, weeks and months to come.

So, not a great day to be honest but as I keep saying if the pills weren't giving you side effects you wouldn't know your body had noticed them. The side effects prove 'something' is happening and that is what I want.

Sam

   (Thu May 20 4:40 2010)

Day Six - May 18, 2010


Ah well, here I am again. I had hoped to
write earlier but I haven't really had the
time or private access to the computer.

Well, I can't deny the tablets (I am on 10mg)
are now well and truly in my system. I recall
from my past experiences with them that the
first couple of weeks were a bit strange and
a bit testing and the past few days haven't
been easy to be honest.

Everyone gets (or doesn't get if they are
lucky) different side effects but for the
record here are the ones I have encountered
so far:

Night-time sweats - This is something I
remember from old but it seems a bit more
dramatic this time. I lie in bed feeling as
if I am in a sauna and in the morning I feel
as though I am on fire. I always wanted a
'water bed' - now I feel as if I have got
one.

Slow reaction/lack of concentration/lack of
eneregy - I don't feel as quick witted or on
'my game' as usual and I am hiding a bit to
be honest in social situations for fear of
exposing the fact that I don't feel great.

Loss of appetite - I just can't face food
much at the moment. Not really important or
hard to cope with - but strange
nethertheless.

Anxiety/depression still in force - I knew
this would be the case. Going on the tablets
can increase anxiety briefly and I have
accepted that there will be no instant
miracle cure. I think it took me a month
before to start feeling more on an even keel
so I can be patient. I hope.

Writing it all down it doesn't seem too bad
but to be honest I was pretty low at the
weekend and had a really 'couch potato' day
on Sunday which didn't do me any harm I guess
but isn't really the route I want to go down.
I am also noticing that the day definitely
gets better as it goes on. The morning is
pretty tough but by mid-afternoon/early
evening I am certainly picking up.

So that's where I am at the moment. I don't
want to sound discouraging to anyone facing
the tablets, I just want an honest appraisal
of my experience in the hope others will
share and in the hope that good news will
follow.

The truth is I KNOW from previous experiences
that these tablets can and will work for me
(and others) so I will stick with them and
cope with whatever they throw at me.

Side-effects prove the tablets are changing
us. And that is what we want them to do so I
will stay positive.

Onwards and upwards...


Sam   (Tue May 18 15:28 2010)

My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
Day Two - May 14, 2010

Well, I am up and running - two tablets down and my first big hurdle mounted.

Side effects vary for everyone of course but I was surprised how quickly they kicked in for me after just my first tablet.

Within just a few hours of taking the tablet at lunchtime I had that strange 'empty legs' feeling where your legs feel a bit loose and disconnected (does anyone know what I mean?).

Then as I hit the bed last night some more tablet-induced changes occurred.

The sweats arrived, the mass yawning began and when I woke up this morning after a pretty intense sleep I felt wide awake - even though it was really early.

All of these are factors I remembered from before so I wasn't totally surprised - apart from how quickly I was experiencing them.

And the hurdle to mount? Well, I had to talk this morning at a pretty important meeting. When my anxiety/panic is at its height as it is now this is a BIG thing for me and although I can happily join in cross-table debates it is the bit where they go round the table and you are put on the spot and have to speak for yourself that I always dread.

All eyes are on you and that is scary for most people, most of the time I imagine. When you are anxious that fear goes through the roof.

Well, I got through it (despite thinking 'I am gonna fail, I am gonna fail' just seconds before) and, as always happens when you have a victory in the anxiety war you feel so much better as a result.

We must count and remember every win in my opinion - however minor. And today depsite virtually three hours of anxiety preparing for just a five minute 'solo' spot I got through it - and yes that is a victory.

Right, the weekend now beckons and after being introduced for a couple of days back to my 5g I will probably up it to 10 (the proper dose).

Double trouble!

Will keep you posted....


Sam
   (Fri May 14 8:33 2010)

My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
Day One - May 13, 2010

Well, I am up and running - although to be fair I nearly didn't do it.

After my visit to the dox yesterday I drove home taking great comfort from the fact that I had my prescription nestled neatly by my side. I felt like I was doing something positive to fight this thing and felt really good as a result.

So good in fact that last night I felt fine. My anxiety was all but gone, my depressive thoughts subsided and there was not a hint of panic as I talked to people. 'Hey, I'm not that bad after all' I thought. 'Who needs those darned tablets with their side effects? I just won't bother' I boldy decided.

And then ....the morning arrived. All that bubbling excitement that maybe even paying for the prescription alone had done the trick simply evaporated. By the time I got into work for a not particularly stressful looking day (Thursdays aren't by and large) I was a mass of anxious thoughts again. And so by lunchtime I realised that last night was NOT my normal, resting state at the moment - what I felt this morning actually is.

So, taking advantage of the fact that I only live about 20 minutes from the office by car I said I needed to pop home at lunch to pick up a report and at 1.15 I took my first 5mg tablet to begin my med (Cipralex) journey again.

I confess I stared at that tablet for some time before taking it because I have been on them (on and off) for the best part of what, four or five years now, and I really thought they were a part of my past. But anxiety is a cruel deceiver which cons you it has left and the reality is it can hit you when you are least expecting it. That is what has happened again this time - and I'm not having it!

Sometimes you just can't make it on your own and this is my 'sometimes' again I'm afraid. No, I am not happy to be back on meds but then again I hate anxiety/depression and panic far more than I hate medication and so I have to do what I have to do.

Right, I'm fully four hours into my treatment then and not a miracle cure in sight.

What is wrong with these tablets????!!!

Thanks for reading.

Sam


   (Thu May 13 12:15 2010)

My Cipralex Diary

(Before) Day One


OK, I am going to start a diary to explain my experiences going on to Cipralex /Lexapro in the hope it may help other people who are facing a similar journey on this - or other tablets. I have done this before on this site as I will explain and I know putting it in writing helped me and one or two others so here goes...

Brief background: I am a man in my mid-40s who has suffered from a mixture of anxiety/depression and public speaking panic attacks on and off for a number of years despite holding down a pretty high-profile job that makes me have to be ‘up’ and ‘smiling’ most of the time (not easy). I resisted taking meds for a long time (a bloke thing I think) but when I did accept the inevitable I started taking Cipralex and they really, really helped. They helped so much in fact that I am afraid I came off them too quickly a couple of times. The last time I needed them I stayed with them for over a year and came off them again when feeling a lot better. That was some 12 months ago but in recent weeks I have felt many of the symptoms coming back so today I went to the doctor and said ‘I give up, I need to go back on the tablets’. And that’s where the story begins…


Pre-first tablet. Well, here we go again. 12 months after I thought I may have passed through the anxiety door (for good?) I was back at the doctor’s this morning saying I had been feeling those familiar feelings again and I needed the extra support that comes from the meds. I actually apologised I think (although we have nothing to apologise for of course) as you do feel a bit of a failure that you can’t beat this thing on your own. But that is the wrong way to look at it. Anxiety is an enemy that chooses its own time to attack – it is out of our hands. All we can do is try and attack back when this anxiety strikes – and those little white tablets are the best weapons I know. I simply have to face this battle again because I cannot and will not be beaten by anxiety and its evil offspring depression and panic.



So, folks, I will be talking my first tablet again tonight.



I have been give packs of 5mgs to start for the first week but the doc said I could go straight to 10mg (the usual dose) if I needed to. All I am trying to do now is remember the side effects of old. I recall the night-time sweats (lovely), the curious case of yawning a lot (an odd feeling) and the rather depressing thought that you do tend to feel somewhat worse before feeling better (yippee!). There is also the ‘male problem’ which I am too embarrassed to talk about here but which is a bit of a drag to be honest.



Beyond that I can’t remember much (which is probably a good thing) but what I do remember and what I WILL remember is that the side effects prove something is happening to our bodies/mind – and if we want the meds to work we have to accept that they have their own path to follow.



So this is the last time I will be writing when I am not on the meds. I am feeling OK and I am feeling positive about the whole process and I feel sure this will be a change for the good.



Let the battle commence.


PS I know no-one seems to be here at the moment but I will keep putting this up here(along with tbhe No More Panic site) if anyone discovers it...
   (Wed May 12 12:56 2010)

Hello folks,

I am putting this on the site just in case
anyone remembers me from old.

I was known just as 'Sam' before but now we
have to register I have had to expand my name
a bit to include my favourite bird. (Don't
ask).

Anyway I came looking on this site because,
well, I needed it and was sorry to see how
quiet it is after once being such a live and
lively place.

So, I have 'defected' to the No More Panic
site but will be back here if I can smoke out
some of my friends of old..

Anyway, this is what I put on the No More
Panic site...

'This is my first time on this thread and
indeed with this whole community but sadly
not my first time battling against the twin
ugly sisters of my life - Anxiety and
Depression.

I have a quite high-profile job and have
always been regarded as a real optimist and a
very positive person. So I was totally
shocked when those ugly sisters entered my
life for no apparent reason a few years ago
and took up residence.

Being a typical 'blokey bloke' (I am in my
mid 40s) I thought I could deal with these
imposters in my life alone so I limped along
unsuccessfully for some time until I was
introduced to Cipralex and my life began to
improve.

On that same day I also discovered a site
called The Anxiety Community while looking up
about Cipralex and I think that twin
discovery - the meds and that site - played
a massive part in my recovery.

But 'recovery' wasn't a permanent state I am
afraid. I got quite excited that the Cips had
seemingly done their job after a few months
and I came off them too quickly - and soon
relapsed. The next time I was on them was for
longer (a couple of years) and I came off
them again when I thought the coast was
clear. But now, maybe 12 months later, I can
see a similar path to the old one emerging.

The ugly sisters are back and despite doing
my very best to fight not flight I am edging
towards the realisation that I must go back
on the Cips again. It is not what I want to
do but I am determined to beat this thing -
however long that takes.

And I know because I know because I know that
a good forum like this seems to be can be a
massive aid to helping everyone get through
this. In my experience not even your closest
friends or family members can truly
understand what those of us with
anxiety/depression etc go through - on these
fourms there is no pretence and no judging.
And that is what we all need.

So I just wanted to say hi really and hope
that I can find (and give) support here as I
did on my old site which seems to be much
quieter now (wherefore art thou Sarah et al??
)

To the ugly sisters I say - the fightback
begins here!!! To the rest of you -I will
keep you posted if you'll have me...

Raven'

So, is anyone out there of old under new
guises?????

   (Mon May 10 17:53 2010)

Hi everyone!
Do you wonder too where everybody on this page has gone? I miss you guys! How are you all???
It's a bit like hide and seek, being the kid counting behind a tree and turning around and everybody has left... Or not so? Would love to hear from so many people...
You know what I have just been doing - paste and copied ALL 150 pages of pure life advice on this page! It is amazing - we all should have written a book on anxiety/depression... Would have been a hit.
I hope some of you would like to come back and give this site some life back!
Lots of love
Konnie   (Fri Nov 13 12:44 2009)

First a little bit about me, I am 35 years old. Male from vancouver Canada. I also have Cerebral Palsy and am very overweight, but i am generaly mobile and self sufficient. I was recently(July 09) Diagnosed with Panic Attacks/Anxiety. Upon learning of this and what it really means I can say I have always had some low level of anxiety, but it really kicked into high gear about 5 years ago after my wife miscarried, it really affected me and I was unable to cope so shut down emetionally and in march of this year she left me. I didn't immediately seek help but, I finally did and things have been slowly improving. I was also diagnosed with sleep apnea and have felt much better with a CPAP, started to lose weight and be more open in general. On to the question, I am taking 20mg of cipralex daily, and have been doing so for about 3 months. I developed an infection on my leg and was prescribed an antibiotic(cephralexin) 3x times daily. I have noticed extreme fatigue/groggyness since taking the antibiotic, prior to that I have not had any issues with just the cipralex for several months. I am getting the same ammount of sleep or more, so is it possible that the antibiotic is increasing the fatigue aspects of the cipralex side effects? Any advice/info is appreciated.   (Wed Nov 11 12:28 2009)

Forgot to say that my appointment is next week. I will not have meds for that long. Should I buy ciprlex online. Does it work the same as lexapro. Help   (Tue Oct 13 15:43 2009)

First off, I have to say that this is an incredible site. I have been on Lexapro for about 8 years and I ran out. So I called the doctor and he said that I need to come in for a check up and I am out of meds. I have been off of this for about days before and the withdrawal was terrible. I found that a peron can buy Cipralex online without a prescription. Is this a smart thing to do? I have been off of my meds for two days now, and i need to do something   (Tue Oct 13 15:42 2009)

Hi, I just found this site and like Havefaith I'm so glad I did. Soo I've been on Buspar and Lexapro for a while now. I still get those thoughts of anxiety though but that isn't my main problemo. Sometimes I notice my random muscles will twitch and I can't control them. It's not very noticeable to the people around me though thank God(I've asked ha). I'm 16 and I haven't had much experience with side effects...
Any thoughts on this would be fantastic!
c:   (Tue Sep 29 19:43 2009)

Hello there, I have been on Citalopram for about six months now, my panic disorder seems to be under control, athough i stil have my feelings of anxiety from time to time. I am so happy that i happened to come across this site,I didnt know that there was a site like this. I am glad to meet you all, as I know that you all understand how awlful this disorder is, but at the same time I am also sad that so many people out there struggle with these feelings just like I do.

I wonder how long I will have to keep taking this med for, my doc said some people take it for the rest of their lives, I guess taking it is better than going back to the panic attack hell.   (Thu Sep 17 22:10 2009)

i am on 10 mg citalopram legs very itchy then a big massive bruise come up? not sure why that is any one no? x   (Wed Jul 15 5:41 2009)

Hi Joey1.
I am SO happy I read your post. I thought I was going even crazier.
I'm a 23 yr female, taking 20mg Cipralex, and I just started about 2 weeks ago. Approx. 1 week in I started to notice the SAME thing. I was convinced I had bedbugs or something!! they appear out of no where it seems, or I'll have an itch, scratch it, then next thing I know, I've got a huge white bump (that looks like a mozzie bite).
I'm going to head back to my Dr. and ask about it. In the mean time, I can only suggest Hydrocortisone Cream, used sparingly. It helps get rid of the itch and reduce the swelling. I'm considering taking an antihistimine as well - after checking with my doctor first.
try to encourage him not to scratch - I know it's hard, but he'll just scratch himself into a rash.
if you don't mind, keep me posted: idontbelonghere_@hotmail.com.
I've not heard of anyone else having this problem (and of course it's not listed on the drug side effects...)
-Lainee   (Tue Oct 14 15:44 2008)

My 12 year old son has been taking Lexapro 5 mg for a
week for anxiety disorder. He's got what appear to be
mosquito bites, except that it's September, he's mostly
indoors at school and he's not aware of any mosquitos
anywhere.

The strangest one is on his knuckle, which has caused his
finger to swell up. This was the first one to appear, a day
or two after he started the meds. With benadryl it went
down, but it's back and his finger is really swollen again.
He also has random ones on his arms, legs, neck, nose
etc. They're about the size of a quarter, with a center that
he can, and is, scratch out.

The doc was going to up his dosage to 10 mg, but we're
holding off, even though we want him to get some
therapeutic benefit soon.

Does this sound like it could be a side effect or allergic
reaction? I like the sound of Lexapro better than the
others; it seems to have fewer side effects and be lighter-
weight in general. Any input appreciated!   (Tue Sep 23 21:37 2008)

hello i m new at this site and i ve a problem of depression. i ve felt palpitaion alot so im very scared about this that im gonna be die. I consulted doc he said that u are suffering from Panic disorder and gave me ciprolax and lexotanil but when i exert a little bit palpitation starts so im very worried about this. Anyone ve the same problem plz plz help me!!    (Tue Sep 16 10:29 2008)

i bought Lexapro 20mg x 28 for $54 from www.world-rx.com which is an australian internet pharmacy. the order arrived in about 10 days.   (Wed Oct 17 1:26 2007)

i was on lexapro for a while for anxiety but it made me gain sooo much weight and made me feel more depressed than anything. my doctor switched me to cymbalta which has really helped.   (Sun Oct 7 12:34 2007)

I found a great site to buy cheap lexapro from. check it out!
http://www.budgetmedicines.com/product_info.php?ref=617&products_id=249

generic lexapro

   (Sat Jul 21 13:50 2007)

Hi ya Greg,

Yeah we have spoke in the past. I was on a lot last year when i was at uni and was stuggling with my exams and dissertation because of anxiety. You gave me some sound advice re your stay in the priory. Been checking this site out a few times and was a bit confused as to why no one was signing in anymore. Thought it strange as it was used very regularly by a number of people as you know. I managed to get my honours degree and get into the course for teaching which starts this August. In the meantime I have been working full time in my old part time job which is in retail. I am a bit like you just now I am off the drugs and have been since January. I have been doing ok but the past few weeks I have struggled with the tiredness, irration and all the general feelings I get from being anxious. I think subconciously I am panicking because this course is closer and closer. I think your right about maintaining a positive mental attitude. I often wonder tho if I really needs these drugs to help me or if I can do it on my own. Right now I just feel like my concentration is really bad. Anyway good to see a response from you on here. Hope to hear from you again.

Michelle x    (Sat May 19 11:44 2007)

Hello, i still check the site out.
Everyone seems to have gone.

Would be good to find out how everyone is doing?????

I myself am still struggling on with anxiety, have recently come of the drugs so have been a bit wobbly for a while.
Really believe that the way forward for me now is to mantain a positive mental attitude.

how are things with you Michelleb? not sure if we spoke in the past?   (Fri Apr 27 6:33 2007)

Still no one wanting to speak out there?
   (Wed Apr 25 16:20 2007)

was a bit mistified as this site seems to work a bit different now. Is everyone doing ok out there?
   (Mon Mar 19 16:45 2007)

hi Sarah

Just logged onto the site again for the first time in ages. Your support helps a lot of people and thank you for all your help.

Michelle    (Mon Mar 19 16:43 2007)

Hi Sigh and others,
I've been on Cipralex for a few months now to treat anxiety and post partum depression. It has worked wonders for me also. I also have the problem of high anxiety the week before my period. I addressed this with my doctor and she told me that I could double my dose to 20 mg for the one week if I wanted to. So far I have chosen to just "grin and bear it" during this time. I meet with my doctor regularly so I'm waiting to see if it worsens.

Just wondering, has anyone else taken this medication for post-partum depression. What happens if you go off of it after a year? Thanks!   (Thu Feb 8 22:53 2007)

Hello,
I've been on Cymbalta and Lexapro for about 2 years now and for the most part, I'm very grateful to be on them. I just have a question for the other women... I notice that for the week of my period, it's like I'm not taking meds at all. I'm very anxious and worried and moody. Anyone else experience this? Do I need to talk to my doctor and up the dosage? Can I up the dosage just for the one week? Thanks for your help!    (Thu Feb 8 19:55 2007)

I would also like to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and a New Year that is positive and most definitely very happy for you all.

I am thinking of you all my cyberfriends, present and past, on this dry, cold Christmas Day.

HUGS for all XXXX Linds   (Mon Dec 25 3:32 2006)

Hello everyone

I would like to wish all my old and new friends on this site a very Merry Christmas. And most especially a Very Very Happy New Year.

If I were to go back to this time last year, (which my computer will take ages and ages to do!) I remember that I was not here to say Happy Christmas, as I was on my travels.

I try to think of how we've all moved forward this year. I think of Linds, my steadfast friend and co-writer on here, and I think of Ali, whose sense of humour I will always appreciate; I think of Sam, and how he went from strength to strength and I think of Greg and his inspiration on meditation and his therapist's very valuable words. I think of Konnie who is maybe home in Germany, or maybe still abroad; I think of so many of you, but you can be sure I have also forgotten many friends because off the top of my head it is difficult to remember because this site is always changing.

I think of how Pete C called in a month or so ago, and the wonderful surprise that was! I think of Michelle, her message made my day...........she got her degree! I think of Sue, and I wonder how she is; I think of Nick, his wit and his amazing ability to real off rhymes and I miss him; I hope he is doing well. I think Munchers - miss her, hope she can enjoy camping again and getting out on her bike; I think of Anne who wrote briefly again after years away from the site, it was good to hear from her!

There are so many people coming and going and this site has been very busy. I hope and pray Chandra is well and he is enjoying life once again.

Most of all, I thank all of my friends who were there for me when it really mattered back in June; for all your messages of support, for taking the time and heart to write to me. I can't tell you all how much you helped me.

People like Sam say I have helped folk on here, but I would like it known that this site has helped ME enormously. It has been there for me when times are tough and it is a tremendous coping strategy.

Thank you to all of you.

I wish you all the very very best and most of all, that anxiety and depression will lessen this coming New Year and that you will all feel peace and happiness.

May this site continue to offer hope and support to all those who visit it.

With lots of love, Sarah XXXXXXXXXX

   (Sun Dec 24 14:26 2006)

Dear Linds

Thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate what you suggested, about the email address and Sam maybe emailing you and forwarding his or my address, thanks so much my friend.

Here's wishing you a Very Happy Christmas. You are one very very special woman and I would like to thank you for being here through thick and thin for me Linds. Thank you so very very much. You are a true friend.

I wish you every happiness and peace and good health for 2007. Thanks so much for all your support this year - you have a lovely heart.

Lots and lots of love,

Sarah XXXXXXXXXX   (Sun Dec 24 14:09 2006)

Hi Sarah

Just popping in and was so Glad to see yours and SAM's message. I honestly thought that your puppy had worn you out day and night, Sam!

A brief note to say that you can give an email address on a public site. Do what I did, create a new one which will protect your identity eg. sarahw@hotmail.com and with the filter you should be ok ... (hence my l3nds2y e-address ) OR

Sam ... write to me at l3nds2y@hotmail.com and I'll forward your address to Sarah :)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you both.
Love, Linds xxx   (Sat Dec 23 14:47 2006)

Thanks to both of you for responding to my hormone question. Lindsey I am so glad you delved in! I like the idea of the blood test and I will try to do that next week if I can find a clinic not closed for Christmas. It does seem like we just get settled into one thing in life and then another change is upon us. My Mom says in fact it used to be known as THE CHANGE.

I have read a little about hormones but don't know anything about the Estrace. It sounds like it's a lot better than what they used to use. I don't seem to have much in the way of depression - mine is pretty much all anxiety a couple of days before. Although the last two months I'm not even aware of when it is supposed to be taking place - at least not until I look at the calendar. My doc wondered if I was pregnant, but no.

I have to say though that between the cipralex and my therapist I'm slowly coming to terms with it.

Thanks again, you two. It really helps to know that others know what I'm saying.

Hugs to you girls, too! :-)
   (Fri Dec 22 23:05 2006)

Hey there stranger!!!!

Thanks SO very much for responding Sam.

You know, I realise I am a big worrier. I started to think maybe something has happened to Sam. Our wonderful guy Sam, maybe something happened to him. I realise it is because I am a worrier and get depressed at times and then I worry more, so I apologise if it seems silly, but just to hear you are ok and everything, thank God I say!

So, Thanks so much for answering. It's the old saying "its the not knowing that is the worse". And that is very true.

Sam. I would love to give you my email address. But I can't think how because I do not want to put it on the site really. What can we do? I am honoured that you would want to know me; I guess I am a private person and I don't like my details on the site.

I can't believe it is that long that you have now been taking cipralex. I am so happy it is making such a positive difference in your life. And I know just what you mean about the darkest times and how this site helps even when the medics and family can't. That is so true. Perhaps it's the anonymity of it, I don't know, but whatever, I miss writing here. But I feel weary at times and cannot seem to be quite so helpful as I used to be. I guess in a way, I feel that because I have been so long off anti-depressants I am no longer really in a position to comment. It has been so long I have sort of forgotten, which sounds mad I know. Whereas when someone asks anything about talking therapy, then I can certainly relate. So I guess it's about where we are at any given time in life.

I am just so glad to hear from you; luckily I continue to be friends with both Linds and Ali, so we are not losing touch but you gave me tremendious support Sam. Maybe you don't even know that? Well you did. And when you sort of disappeared, I felt a bit lost.

I realise that you are now in a position where you are able to feel you have moved on in a positive way from this site, and maybe that is me too. Maybe instead of trying to be there to help others I am at long last taking a look at myself and trying to help myself. Which is actually more difficult that me sitting here and giving advise to others! Sounds mad doesn't it, but I think that is what is happening. I am trying to face up to my father's death, and maybe right now I am not in the best place to be "there" for people that need help. However, Sam, you know me - there will probably always be a message that touches my heart and gets me back typing on the keyboard once again!

Wishing you all the very very best my friend. I would love to keep in contact but have you any ideas how to give email addresses on a public site??? You have helped me more than you probably realise, and I just want to say "Thank you" for being there for me Sam. Thank you for giving me faith in myself, and thank you for in my opinion, being the kind guy on here who has a heart of gold and who I am sure we have all really missed.

But - But, I am really happy it means you are now doing well. Sam. If you needed help and you left a message, I think you know I would answer don't you? Guess we've been cyber friends a while and seen each other through the dark times.

Thanks SO much for answering. I had sort of given up on you answering. I had sort of thought well I have to get on with it and accept that either Sam is not wanting to answer or the worst and something has happened to Sam.

But you have answered and I wish you a Very Very Merry Christmas; and most especially a very Happy and Healthy 2007. And if you don't write I can be happy, knowing you are flying high out there and I am just so glad I helped in any way; helped an amazing guy.

I feel honoured to have been your cyber friend Sam. And I shall probably always keep checking this site for some years to come (unless I give up my computer!)

Lots of love, Sarah XXXXX   (Fri Dec 22 16:10 2006)

Isn't life weird?

I have been away from the site - which I used to write on practically every day - for about six months now and although I have come close to responding a few times, on the very day I decide 'you know what, I am definitley going to pop back in' what do I find on this all-new blue design but an email from the wonderful, fabulous, awe-inspiring Sarah W saying 'where are you Sam'?

Well, I am here Sarah - and I am touched beyond belief that you have still remember me. Truly you have a heart the size of an elephant and truly you are a lovely, lovely person. And to see the likes of Linds, Ali, Konnie and Greg's names here too also makes me feel at home - as I aways did when I came onto this excellent and oh so important site.

So where have I been? Well, I think of myself as being like a soldier on tour with this site (I am not by the way.) I am here for long periods and when I am here I am 'intensely' here (if you get my drift) but then I disappear for long periods of time. Sometimes that is because I am feeling not so great and need to work things out for myself but at other times it is because I am doing OK and therefore don't necceassrily feel I can show as much empathy as I would like. I find it is so much easier to understand (and maybe help) other people's pain when I am in pain myself and at the moemnt I am not and I therefore feel a bit of a fraud coming onto this brilliant site. I know that is crazy - but who said we anxiety suffferers are logical???

As for 'where I am', well I am in a good place mentally at the moment. I am 261 days into my second Cipralex course (yep, I count em) having been on the drug to cope with anxiety, depression and public speaking panic attacks. From about the fourth or fifth week on my 10mgs, my life turned around enormously and although I still have bad days - or bad parts of days -my life is a million times better than it was before.

I remain convinced Cipralex remains an absolutley vital weapon in the battle with anxiety FOR ME. I put that in caps because no drug works for everyone but I am living, breathing proof that this one can works for some people and I am eternally grateful for it.

Beyond that, however, I miss this site for the incredible opportunity it gave me to meet incredible people. There are so many new names here with new stories to share and help and advice to give and I love the fact that so many people are providing mutual support.

The main folk I regularly corresponded with are also still visitors here from time to time by the look of it but once again every time I return for a 'tour of duty' it is the towering presence of Sarah that makes this site come alive. She is the beating heart of this site and a human being I feel utterly privileged to know even though we have never met.

So, Sarah if you are truly ready to 'move on' from this site then no-one could blame you - your service to one and all has been well beyond the call of duty and you have certainly shaped and improved the lives of many people like me. But don't 'go' before letting me have an email address because I would love to correspond with you privately to offer mutual support - and the same goes for you Linds, Ali, Greg and Konnie if you wish.

However, if you do decide to stay then clearly there are many, many people who are benefitting now and will benefit in the future from your gentle, caring touch. It is up to you what you want to do Sarah - you are the boss!

As for me, I will try and pop in here when I can if I feel I can of help becauuse this site means the world to me and helped me through the darkest days in a way not even family memebrs of the medics could do. I will never forget that and it is such a comfort to know this site is still here and is still so active.

I DO hope you see this note Sarah, Linds, Ali, Greg et al and I DO hope you are all in a good place at the moment.

You - and all the other lovely people here I don't know - all deserve peace in yor life and what better time for it to be granted than Christmas?

Have a great one my cyber friends....

Sam    (Thu Dec 21 10:15 2006)

Hi Misty,
My name is Liz and I'm new. Maybe I can shed some light on the Menopause thing for you.
My depression is handled pretty well with Cipralex 20mg daily, but when I stopped taking estrogen for fear of increased risk of breast cancer, I crumbled emotiionally and took a few onlookers with me. Antidepressants or anti-anxiolytics don't deal with menopausal symptoms at all.
I was reluctant to begin the hormones, but it's the difference between day and night. The one I take is not the pregnant mare one. I believe that practice constitutes cruelty to animals. I take Estrace, a plant estrogen available by prescription only and very effective for me. No more crying jags, perpetual blues, or hot flashes. Now if I could get the JOY back in my life, I'd be the best me I could be.
Good luck, Misty.   (Wed Dec 20 13:38 2006)

Please accept my apologies for the Grammer and Spelling trying to type this fast whilst at work - might not make much sense

k   (Wed Dec 20 10:14 2006)

I have been on Ciraplex now for about a year I am only on 5 mg as I didn't want to go any higher, I have found that it works pretty well, but everyone time I seem to try and come off I get a set back, I have had another one pretty recently and although I can fight it pretty well now due, the i think the fear I have is it returning to what it was, I have been off work for more than 3 weeks with it before as I feel its such a deliblitating illness (and it is in an illness) people tell me I'm mad or I'm not thinking straight, but I know these feelings are very real that I get and they scare me, I go off my food, things that I do normally from day to day I feel are strange to me when I am having a bad day. I am at the moment.

I can't put my finger on what triggers this off. I have been to see a shrink (as I like to call them) but to no avail, people have advised me on hypnosis, but not sure. Personally I would try anything to get back to the way are was. I have only had this since the age of 30.

Greg you said the right thing earlier that the anxiety becomes blown out of proportion, this I believe to be true. I was on the train the other day going to work (London) and I starting feeling odd on the train, I started my breathing exercises but ended up fainting on the train, which was pretty scary. I just want to enjoy my life like everyone else but I feel like this holds me back in a while.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

And Merry Christmas everyone on this site.

Karen
x   (Wed Dec 20 10:12 2006)

I have been taking Cipralex for about a month now with little to no improvement in my mood. There have, however been improvements in my levels of physical pain...which is great. After spending the summer coming off of Celexa (after 2 good years, it stopped helping so much), and dealing with so much neck/head pain (from withdrawal), it was great to get on the Cipralex and get some relief.
I hope the improvements in my mood are to come...especially since I'm paying for this out of my own pocket.

Jazz686 -- I can't sleep well if I take it at night, so I switched to AM dosing   (Mon Dec 18 23:43 2006)

Hi Misty

I just delve into here from time to time and at the moment its very early morning (thanks to the back problems and pain!). I just wanted to say that a simple blood test would let you know if you're going through the menopause. As if we hadn't enough things on our plate, life throws everything at us and we're meant to know how to handle it all without a guide book! I'm also at the same stage as you .. wondering what happens next.
Unfortunately I dont have any friends who've passed this passage, mine are all younger than me and eagerly watching me instead :)
Unfortunately I cant relate to your anxiety but maybe that blood test might help .. just to know?
Pre or menopausal hugs and all! Lindsey x

   (Wed Dec 13 23:47 2006)

Hello all! I found this website while researching this ciraplex medication. I am off of work for stress leave due to an addiction to alcohol. I have beat that addiction (so far) with rehab and therapy. However, it has not improved my mood. I have been sad and just generally 'low' for the past couple of years... and always tired. Personally, I hate medications but just want to start feeling better. Can anyone comment on the positive effects of this medication? Will it halep my mood? I have read that it inhibits sleep... this would be bad for me since I always fell fatigued anyway. Any comments would be appreciated!   (Tue Dec 12 17:37 2006)

Hi Anne. Thanks so much for your reply. For the most part the cipralex helps me so much with my anxiety! But being in my forties makes me think that I'm going through one of these phases. You know how doctors (mostly male) tell you this is just a natural part of life? Well, natural doesn't mean easy does it?

So this last cycle came and went with no outward sign at all, no physical part, no anxiety. I wonder how many of those I'll have before I know I'm either going through or finished with menopause. I must admit I'm terrified of the approach of hot flashes - of course my anticipatory anxiety of that will likely make it worse. Sigh.

Five weeks with this med maybe isn't so long? Although I know we're all different, but it seems like it took me a good two months before I felt like I had settled into my comfortable dosage.

Thanks so much for your support, Anne. I reeeealy appreciate it. :-)

   (Mon Dec 11 19:29 2006)

Hi Misty, I read your post and just wanted to reply having experienced exactly what you've described...p.m.t. with a difference!

I've only been on Cipralex 5 weeks, however I've experienced 2 episodes now of aweful anxiety 3 days prior to cycle..much worse than before taking the medication. I guess maybe these tablets don't deal with female hormones?

My depression feels like it's temporarily gone backwards too, and to be honest I've thought that maybe I need an increase in dosage. Perhaps I'll mention it next time I get a repeat prescription.

So, yes..from one woman to another...(sorry, men!) the anxiety is definitely intensified, not sure why though or what the explanation or answer is...just letting you know you're not alone...

Best wishes, Anne

   (Sun Dec 10 17:51 2006)

Hi my two favourite people here ..

You know I've been so so so so busy crawling out of bed at 5.15 am and crawling back at night exhausted but ... helping my friend for the past two weeks was and still is important.

I am so glad to hear that things are going better for you Ali and also for you Sarah. We have to take care of ourselves more. I am so grateful for this site, it brought the three of us together and even now as we distance ourselves from it slowly, I am sure as you say Sarah its a positive move. I know I have learnt a lot from it. Just being able to open up and be truthful about how I felt was a beginning for me. I've learnt so much from your experiences and listened carefully to advice. It has been great to laugh. I feel I've grown and I thank you both very much.

Friends forever. One day .. you know, we'll meet and hug properly. XXX Linds

   (Fri Dec 8 15:58 2006)

Hey ther my friend

Thanks so much Ali. It means alot. I am so glad things are getting better for you, it is great that your psychiatrist is there for you.

Yes, I too will write by email to you, you know that don't you. I feel I have come to the end of my time on the site. I sadly mean that. Sometimes in life, you just have to say goodbye and move on don't you? I guess not hearing from Sam has shown me how life can be and is mirrored here on the site.

Lots of love to you, and yes, Ill be writing, I appreciate you answering Ali. I think I am stopping writing on the site because I am going to start to try and help myself more.

Sarah XXXXXXXXXX Thanks for everything Ali, you have been one amazing contributor here, and thank YOU for being there for me all these years!   (Mon Dec 4 9:44 2006)

Hey there friend
Sorry I have been so quiet but things have been weird lately.....good weird I suppose, but I haven't had much of a chance to write recently to either you or Linds.Sorry ! To be honest, this is the first time in ages that I have even had time to look in on the site.I get what you say about your time coming to an end on here.
I have been really busy and thats been a good thing.Things have changed I think in how I feel.I have seen my psychiatrist again twice and that has been a HUGE help.A break through I feel, though I will e-mail you soon to let you know all about it.
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and haven't forgotten how good this site has been for me and all the others who have used it.I will be writing to Linds soon aswell but in case I don't write on here for an age again, I just want to say thank you for being here and to all the others who will keep it going on.

Speak soon Sarah, lots of love and hugs, your friend Ali xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   (Sun Dec 3 18:11 2006)

It is SO long since you last wrote Sam.........where are you?

I have started to wonder whether something has happened and Sam is not able to write anymore. It is the "not knowing" that is so difficult.

Sam, if you are still checking this site, PLEASE can you just say you are ok. Because with no news from you in such a very very long time, I am now wondering if something awful has happened. And you are such a good man and I suppose it is selfish of me to ask you to write if you feel you have moved on, but all you need to say is you are ok, that you no longer need to write etc.

Please can you just let us know Sam.

I am coming to the end of my time on here and I know sometimes it is easier to just stop writing and never write again, but from time to time I wonder about you and guess I am just trying one more time to ask "Are you OK Sam?"

Love Sarah XXX   (Sun Dec 3 10:04 2006)

I hope that no one minds a kind of a female question - sorry to the guys who don't like this stuff, but I could really use some advice.

I have been taking cipralex for about 3 months now. It seems to be working pretty well, although I think that my therapy is the biggest help. But I'm noticing a pattern. I am in my 40s and I think I'm either in pre-menopause, perimenopause, or maybe just headed for the BIG M. No really big changes yet except for extended cycle - kind of a relief not to have it so often, every 6 weeks is kinda nice! And no, no extra pain or anything like that.

BUT - I am having increased anxiety in the few days just before it begins. I'm not sure what to do about it. Anyone else been through this or have any ideas? Thanks.   (Thu Nov 30 20:57 2006)