i bought Lexapro 20mg x 28 for $54 from www.world-rx.com which is an australian internet pharmacy. the order arrived in about 10 days.   (Wed Oct 17 1:26 2007)

i was on lexapro for a while for anxiety but it made me gain sooo much weight and made me feel more depressed than anything. my doctor switched me to cymbalta which has really helped.   (Sun Oct 7 12:34 2007)

I found a great site to buy cheap lexapro from. check it out!
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generic lexapro

   (Sat Jul 21 13:50 2007)

Hi ya Greg,

Yeah we have spoke in the past. I was on a lot last year when i was at uni and was stuggling with my exams and dissertation because of anxiety. You gave me some sound advice re your stay in the priory. Been checking this site out a few times and was a bit confused as to why no one was signing in anymore. Thought it strange as it was used very regularly by a number of people as you know. I managed to get my honours degree and get into the course for teaching which starts this August. In the meantime I have been working full time in my old part time job which is in retail. I am a bit like you just now I am off the drugs and have been since January. I have been doing ok but the past few weeks I have struggled with the tiredness, irration and all the general feelings I get from being anxious. I think subconciously I am panicking because this course is closer and closer. I think your right about maintaining a positive mental attitude. I often wonder tho if I really needs these drugs to help me or if I can do it on my own. Right now I just feel like my concentration is really bad. Anyway good to see a response from you on here. Hope to hear from you again.

Michelle x    (Sat May 19 11:44 2007)

Hello, i still check the site out.
Everyone seems to have gone.

Would be good to find out how everyone is doing?????

I myself am still struggling on with anxiety, have recently come of the drugs so have been a bit wobbly for a while.
Really believe that the way forward for me now is to mantain a positive mental attitude.

how are things with you Michelleb? not sure if we spoke in the past?   (Fri Apr 27 6:33 2007)

Still no one wanting to speak out there?
   (Wed Apr 25 16:20 2007)

was a bit mistified as this site seems to work a bit different now. Is everyone doing ok out there?
   (Mon Mar 19 16:45 2007)

hi Sarah

Just logged onto the site again for the first time in ages. Your support helps a lot of people and thank you for all your help.

Michelle    (Mon Mar 19 16:43 2007)

Hi Sigh and others,
I've been on Cipralex for a few months now to treat anxiety and post partum depression. It has worked wonders for me also. I also have the problem of high anxiety the week before my period. I addressed this with my doctor and she told me that I could double my dose to 20 mg for the one week if I wanted to. So far I have chosen to just "grin and bear it" during this time. I meet with my doctor regularly so I'm waiting to see if it worsens.

Just wondering, has anyone else taken this medication for post-partum depression. What happens if you go off of it after a year? Thanks!   (Thu Feb 8 22:53 2007)

Hello,
I've been on Cymbalta and Lexapro for about 2 years now and for the most part, I'm very grateful to be on them. I just have a question for the other women... I notice that for the week of my period, it's like I'm not taking meds at all. I'm very anxious and worried and moody. Anyone else experience this? Do I need to talk to my doctor and up the dosage? Can I up the dosage just for the one week? Thanks for your help!    (Thu Feb 8 19:55 2007)

I would also like to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and a New Year that is positive and most definitely very happy for you all.

I am thinking of you all my cyberfriends, present and past, on this dry, cold Christmas Day.

HUGS for all XXXX Linds   (Mon Dec 25 3:32 2006)

Hello everyone

I would like to wish all my old and new friends on this site a very Merry Christmas. And most especially a Very Very Happy New Year.

If I were to go back to this time last year, (which my computer will take ages and ages to do!) I remember that I was not here to say Happy Christmas, as I was on my travels.

I try to think of how we've all moved forward this year. I think of Linds, my steadfast friend and co-writer on here, and I think of Ali, whose sense of humour I will always appreciate; I think of Sam, and how he went from strength to strength and I think of Greg and his inspiration on meditation and his therapist's very valuable words. I think of Konnie who is maybe home in Germany, or maybe still abroad; I think of so many of you, but you can be sure I have also forgotten many friends because off the top of my head it is difficult to remember because this site is always changing.

I think of how Pete C called in a month or so ago, and the wonderful surprise that was! I think of Michelle, her message made my day...........she got her degree! I think of Sue, and I wonder how she is; I think of Nick, his wit and his amazing ability to real off rhymes and I miss him; I hope he is doing well. I think Munchers - miss her, hope she can enjoy camping again and getting out on her bike; I think of Anne who wrote briefly again after years away from the site, it was good to hear from her!

There are so many people coming and going and this site has been very busy. I hope and pray Chandra is well and he is enjoying life once again.

Most of all, I thank all of my friends who were there for me when it really mattered back in June; for all your messages of support, for taking the time and heart to write to me. I can't tell you all how much you helped me.

People like Sam say I have helped folk on here, but I would like it known that this site has helped ME enormously. It has been there for me when times are tough and it is a tremendous coping strategy.

Thank you to all of you.

I wish you all the very very best and most of all, that anxiety and depression will lessen this coming New Year and that you will all feel peace and happiness.

May this site continue to offer hope and support to all those who visit it.

With lots of love, Sarah XXXXXXXXXX

   (Sun Dec 24 14:26 2006)

Dear Linds

Thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate what you suggested, about the email address and Sam maybe emailing you and forwarding his or my address, thanks so much my friend.

Here's wishing you a Very Happy Christmas. You are one very very special woman and I would like to thank you for being here through thick and thin for me Linds. Thank you so very very much. You are a true friend.

I wish you every happiness and peace and good health for 2007. Thanks so much for all your support this year - you have a lovely heart.

Lots and lots of love,

Sarah XXXXXXXXXX   (Sun Dec 24 14:09 2006)

Hi Sarah

Just popping in and was so Glad to see yours and SAM's message. I honestly thought that your puppy had worn you out day and night, Sam!

A brief note to say that you can give an email address on a public site. Do what I did, create a new one which will protect your identity eg. sarahw@hotmail.com and with the filter you should be ok ... (hence my l3nds2y e-address ) OR

Sam ... write to me at l3nds2y@hotmail.com and I'll forward your address to Sarah :)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you both.
Love, Linds xxx   (Sat Dec 23 14:47 2006)

Thanks to both of you for responding to my hormone question. Lindsey I am so glad you delved in! I like the idea of the blood test and I will try to do that next week if I can find a clinic not closed for Christmas. It does seem like we just get settled into one thing in life and then another change is upon us. My Mom says in fact it used to be known as THE CHANGE.

I have read a little about hormones but don't know anything about the Estrace. It sounds like it's a lot better than what they used to use. I don't seem to have much in the way of depression - mine is pretty much all anxiety a couple of days before. Although the last two months I'm not even aware of when it is supposed to be taking place - at least not until I look at the calendar. My doc wondered if I was pregnant, but no.

I have to say though that between the cipralex and my therapist I'm slowly coming to terms with it.

Thanks again, you two. It really helps to know that others know what I'm saying.

Hugs to you girls, too! :-)
   (Fri Dec 22 23:05 2006)

Hey there stranger!!!!

Thanks SO very much for responding Sam.

You know, I realise I am a big worrier. I started to think maybe something has happened to Sam. Our wonderful guy Sam, maybe something happened to him. I realise it is because I am a worrier and get depressed at times and then I worry more, so I apologise if it seems silly, but just to hear you are ok and everything, thank God I say!

So, Thanks so much for answering. It's the old saying "its the not knowing that is the worse". And that is very true.

Sam. I would love to give you my email address. But I can't think how because I do not want to put it on the site really. What can we do? I am honoured that you would want to know me; I guess I am a private person and I don't like my details on the site.

I can't believe it is that long that you have now been taking cipralex. I am so happy it is making such a positive difference in your life. And I know just what you mean about the darkest times and how this site helps even when the medics and family can't. That is so true. Perhaps it's the anonymity of it, I don't know, but whatever, I miss writing here. But I feel weary at times and cannot seem to be quite so helpful as I used to be. I guess in a way, I feel that because I have been so long off anti-depressants I am no longer really in a position to comment. It has been so long I have sort of forgotten, which sounds mad I know. Whereas when someone asks anything about talking therapy, then I can certainly relate. So I guess it's about where we are at any given time in life.

I am just so glad to hear from you; luckily I continue to be friends with both Linds and Ali, so we are not losing touch but you gave me tremendious support Sam. Maybe you don't even know that? Well you did. And when you sort of disappeared, I felt a bit lost.

I realise that you are now in a position where you are able to feel you have moved on in a positive way from this site, and maybe that is me too. Maybe instead of trying to be there to help others I am at long last taking a look at myself and trying to help myself. Which is actually more difficult that me sitting here and giving advise to others! Sounds mad doesn't it, but I think that is what is happening. I am trying to face up to my father's death, and maybe right now I am not in the best place to be "there" for people that need help. However, Sam, you know me - there will probably always be a message that touches my heart and gets me back typing on the keyboard once again!

Wishing you all the very very best my friend. I would love to keep in contact but have you any ideas how to give email addresses on a public site??? You have helped me more than you probably realise, and I just want to say "Thank you" for being there for me Sam. Thank you for giving me faith in myself, and thank you for in my opinion, being the kind guy on here who has a heart of gold and who I am sure we have all really missed.

But - But, I am really happy it means you are now doing well. Sam. If you needed help and you left a message, I think you know I would answer don't you? Guess we've been cyber friends a while and seen each other through the dark times.

Thanks SO much for answering. I had sort of given up on you answering. I had sort of thought well I have to get on with it and accept that either Sam is not wanting to answer or the worst and something has happened to Sam.

But you have answered and I wish you a Very Very Merry Christmas; and most especially a very Happy and Healthy 2007. And if you don't write I can be happy, knowing you are flying high out there and I am just so glad I helped in any way; helped an amazing guy.

I feel honoured to have been your cyber friend Sam. And I shall probably always keep checking this site for some years to come (unless I give up my computer!)

Lots of love, Sarah XXXXX   (Fri Dec 22 16:10 2006)

Isn't life weird?

I have been away from the site - which I used to write on practically every day - for about six months now and although I have come close to responding a few times, on the very day I decide 'you know what, I am definitley going to pop back in' what do I find on this all-new blue design but an email from the wonderful, fabulous, awe-inspiring Sarah W saying 'where are you Sam'?

Well, I am here Sarah - and I am touched beyond belief that you have still remember me. Truly you have a heart the size of an elephant and truly you are a lovely, lovely person. And to see the likes of Linds, Ali, Konnie and Greg's names here too also makes me feel at home - as I aways did when I came onto this excellent and oh so important site.

So where have I been? Well, I think of myself as being like a soldier on tour with this site (I am not by the way.) I am here for long periods and when I am here I am 'intensely' here (if you get my drift) but then I disappear for long periods of time. Sometimes that is because I am feeling not so great and need to work things out for myself but at other times it is because I am doing OK and therefore don't necceassrily feel I can show as much empathy as I would like. I find it is so much easier to understand (and maybe help) other people's pain when I am in pain myself and at the moemnt I am not and I therefore feel a bit of a fraud coming onto this brilliant site. I know that is crazy - but who said we anxiety suffferers are logical???

As for 'where I am', well I am in a good place mentally at the moment. I am 261 days into my second Cipralex course (yep, I count em) having been on the drug to cope with anxiety, depression and public speaking panic attacks. From about the fourth or fifth week on my 10mgs, my life turned around enormously and although I still have bad days - or bad parts of days -my life is a million times better than it was before.

I remain convinced Cipralex remains an absolutley vital weapon in the battle with anxiety FOR ME. I put that in caps because no drug works for everyone but I am living, breathing proof that this one can works for some people and I am eternally grateful for it.

Beyond that, however, I miss this site for the incredible opportunity it gave me to meet incredible people. There are so many new names here with new stories to share and help and advice to give and I love the fact that so many people are providing mutual support.

The main folk I regularly corresponded with are also still visitors here from time to time by the look of it but once again every time I return for a 'tour of duty' it is the towering presence of Sarah that makes this site come alive. She is the beating heart of this site and a human being I feel utterly privileged to know even though we have never met.

So, Sarah if you are truly ready to 'move on' from this site then no-one could blame you - your service to one and all has been well beyond the call of duty and you have certainly shaped and improved the lives of many people like me. But don't 'go' before letting me have an email address because I would love to correspond with you privately to offer mutual support - and the same goes for you Linds, Ali, Greg and Konnie if you wish.

However, if you do decide to stay then clearly there are many, many people who are benefitting now and will benefit in the future from your gentle, caring touch. It is up to you what you want to do Sarah - you are the boss!

As for me, I will try and pop in here when I can if I feel I can of help becauuse this site means the world to me and helped me through the darkest days in a way not even family memebrs of the medics could do. I will never forget that and it is such a comfort to know this site is still here and is still so active.

I DO hope you see this note Sarah, Linds, Ali, Greg et al and I DO hope you are all in a good place at the moment.

You - and all the other lovely people here I don't know - all deserve peace in yor life and what better time for it to be granted than Christmas?

Have a great one my cyber friends....

Sam    (Thu Dec 21 10:15 2006)

Hi Misty,
My name is Liz and I'm new. Maybe I can shed some light on the Menopause thing for you.
My depression is handled pretty well with Cipralex 20mg daily, but when I stopped taking estrogen for fear of increased risk of breast cancer, I crumbled emotiionally and took a few onlookers with me. Antidepressants or anti-anxiolytics don't deal with menopausal symptoms at all.
I was reluctant to begin the hormones, but it's the difference between day and night. The one I take is not the pregnant mare one. I believe that practice constitutes cruelty to animals. I take Estrace, a plant estrogen available by prescription only and very effective for me. No more crying jags, perpetual blues, or hot flashes. Now if I could get the JOY back in my life, I'd be the best me I could be.
Good luck, Misty.   (Wed Dec 20 13:38 2006)

Please accept my apologies for the Grammer and Spelling trying to type this fast whilst at work - might not make much sense

k   (Wed Dec 20 10:14 2006)

I have been on Ciraplex now for about a year I am only on 5 mg as I didn't want to go any higher, I have found that it works pretty well, but everyone time I seem to try and come off I get a set back, I have had another one pretty recently and although I can fight it pretty well now due, the i think the fear I have is it returning to what it was, I have been off work for more than 3 weeks with it before as I feel its such a deliblitating illness (and it is in an illness) people tell me I'm mad or I'm not thinking straight, but I know these feelings are very real that I get and they scare me, I go off my food, things that I do normally from day to day I feel are strange to me when I am having a bad day. I am at the moment.

I can't put my finger on what triggers this off. I have been to see a shrink (as I like to call them) but to no avail, people have advised me on hypnosis, but not sure. Personally I would try anything to get back to the way are was. I have only had this since the age of 30.

Greg you said the right thing earlier that the anxiety becomes blown out of proportion, this I believe to be true. I was on the train the other day going to work (London) and I starting feeling odd on the train, I started my breathing exercises but ended up fainting on the train, which was pretty scary. I just want to enjoy my life like everyone else but I feel like this holds me back in a while.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

And Merry Christmas everyone on this site.

Karen
x   (Wed Dec 20 10:12 2006)

I have been taking Cipralex for about a month now with little to no improvement in my mood. There have, however been improvements in my levels of physical pain...which is great. After spending the summer coming off of Celexa (after 2 good years, it stopped helping so much), and dealing with so much neck/head pain (from withdrawal), it was great to get on the Cipralex and get some relief.
I hope the improvements in my mood are to come...especially since I'm paying for this out of my own pocket.

Jazz686 -- I can't sleep well if I take it at night, so I switched to AM dosing   (Mon Dec 18 23:43 2006)

Hi Misty

I just delve into here from time to time and at the moment its very early morning (thanks to the back problems and pain!). I just wanted to say that a simple blood test would let you know if you're going through the menopause. As if we hadn't enough things on our plate, life throws everything at us and we're meant to know how to handle it all without a guide book! I'm also at the same stage as you .. wondering what happens next.
Unfortunately I dont have any friends who've passed this passage, mine are all younger than me and eagerly watching me instead :)
Unfortunately I cant relate to your anxiety but maybe that blood test might help .. just to know?
Pre or menopausal hugs and all! Lindsey x

   (Wed Dec 13 23:47 2006)

Hello all! I found this website while researching this ciraplex medication. I am off of work for stress leave due to an addiction to alcohol. I have beat that addiction (so far) with rehab and therapy. However, it has not improved my mood. I have been sad and just generally 'low' for the past couple of years... and always tired. Personally, I hate medications but just want to start feeling better. Can anyone comment on the positive effects of this medication? Will it halep my mood? I have read that it inhibits sleep... this would be bad for me since I always fell fatigued anyway. Any comments would be appreciated!   (Tue Dec 12 17:37 2006)

Hi Anne. Thanks so much for your reply. For the most part the cipralex helps me so much with my anxiety! But being in my forties makes me think that I'm going through one of these phases. You know how doctors (mostly male) tell you this is just a natural part of life? Well, natural doesn't mean easy does it?

So this last cycle came and went with no outward sign at all, no physical part, no anxiety. I wonder how many of those I'll have before I know I'm either going through or finished with menopause. I must admit I'm terrified of the approach of hot flashes - of course my anticipatory anxiety of that will likely make it worse. Sigh.

Five weeks with this med maybe isn't so long? Although I know we're all different, but it seems like it took me a good two months before I felt like I had settled into my comfortable dosage.

Thanks so much for your support, Anne. I reeeealy appreciate it. :-)

   (Mon Dec 11 19:29 2006)

Hi Misty, I read your post and just wanted to reply having experienced exactly what you've described...p.m.t. with a difference!

I've only been on Cipralex 5 weeks, however I've experienced 2 episodes now of aweful anxiety 3 days prior to cycle..much worse than before taking the medication. I guess maybe these tablets don't deal with female hormones?

My depression feels like it's temporarily gone backwards too, and to be honest I've thought that maybe I need an increase in dosage. Perhaps I'll mention it next time I get a repeat prescription.

So, yes..from one woman to another...(sorry, men!) the anxiety is definitely intensified, not sure why though or what the explanation or answer is...just letting you know you're not alone...

Best wishes, Anne

   (Sun Dec 10 17:51 2006)

Hi my two favourite people here ..

You know I've been so so so so busy crawling out of bed at 5.15 am and crawling back at night exhausted but ... helping my friend for the past two weeks was and still is important.

I am so glad to hear that things are going better for you Ali and also for you Sarah. We have to take care of ourselves more. I am so grateful for this site, it brought the three of us together and even now as we distance ourselves from it slowly, I am sure as you say Sarah its a positive move. I know I have learnt a lot from it. Just being able to open up and be truthful about how I felt was a beginning for me. I've learnt so much from your experiences and listened carefully to advice. It has been great to laugh. I feel I've grown and I thank you both very much.

Friends forever. One day .. you know, we'll meet and hug properly. XXX Linds

   (Fri Dec 8 15:58 2006)

Hey ther my friend

Thanks so much Ali. It means alot. I am so glad things are getting better for you, it is great that your psychiatrist is there for you.

Yes, I too will write by email to you, you know that don't you. I feel I have come to the end of my time on the site. I sadly mean that. Sometimes in life, you just have to say goodbye and move on don't you? I guess not hearing from Sam has shown me how life can be and is mirrored here on the site.

Lots of love to you, and yes, Ill be writing, I appreciate you answering Ali. I think I am stopping writing on the site because I am going to start to try and help myself more.

Sarah XXXXXXXXXX Thanks for everything Ali, you have been one amazing contributor here, and thank YOU for being there for me all these years!   (Mon Dec 4 9:44 2006)

Hey there friend
Sorry I have been so quiet but things have been weird lately.....good weird I suppose, but I haven't had much of a chance to write recently to either you or Linds.Sorry ! To be honest, this is the first time in ages that I have even had time to look in on the site.I get what you say about your time coming to an end on here.
I have been really busy and thats been a good thing.Things have changed I think in how I feel.I have seen my psychiatrist again twice and that has been a HUGE help.A break through I feel, though I will e-mail you soon to let you know all about it.
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and haven't forgotten how good this site has been for me and all the others who have used it.I will be writing to Linds soon aswell but in case I don't write on here for an age again, I just want to say thank you for being here and to all the others who will keep it going on.

Speak soon Sarah, lots of love and hugs, your friend Ali xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   (Sun Dec 3 18:11 2006)

It is SO long since you last wrote Sam.........where are you?

I have started to wonder whether something has happened and Sam is not able to write anymore. It is the "not knowing" that is so difficult.

Sam, if you are still checking this site, PLEASE can you just say you are ok. Because with no news from you in such a very very long time, I am now wondering if something awful has happened. And you are such a good man and I suppose it is selfish of me to ask you to write if you feel you have moved on, but all you need to say is you are ok, that you no longer need to write etc.

Please can you just let us know Sam.

I am coming to the end of my time on here and I know sometimes it is easier to just stop writing and never write again, but from time to time I wonder about you and guess I am just trying one more time to ask "Are you OK Sam?"

Love Sarah XXX   (Sun Dec 3 10:04 2006)

I hope that no one minds a kind of a female question - sorry to the guys who don't like this stuff, but I could really use some advice.

I have been taking cipralex for about 3 months now. It seems to be working pretty well, although I think that my therapy is the biggest help. But I'm noticing a pattern. I am in my 40s and I think I'm either in pre-menopause, perimenopause, or maybe just headed for the BIG M. No really big changes yet except for extended cycle - kind of a relief not to have it so often, every 6 weeks is kinda nice! And no, no extra pain or anything like that.

BUT - I am having increased anxiety in the few days just before it begins. I'm not sure what to do about it. Anyone else been through this or have any ideas? Thanks.   (Thu Nov 30 20:57 2006)

Hi Lee

You have a good point, when you say, that "I think I just need to learn how to handle myself, and ignore my insecurities...." But sometimes, when things get tough you do need extra help, like you did with the cipralex.

The best thing would be to have some talking therapy. It makes a great difference, just to as you say, talk through insecurities, why they are happening, unhappy childhood experiences and their relevance to our current behaviour.

It's a bit like working out a puzzle in your mind as to why you are as you are right now; everything has a reason.

Because you have recently started a new job I would say that has maybe added to feelings of insecurity, wouldn't you? So, there is a reason why you are finding you don't feel so good. Insecurity seems to be when we start feeling depressed and anxious. Maybe you should think about what makes you feel especially worried about your new job. As you have said, you have noticed you are avoiding sitting with people. Depression plays on isolation. So, it you can, it helps to force yourself to join in, often it is not something you want to do, but by doing it, it does help in a way, because you are left feeling not so isolated.

I think that although the drugs are useful, learning about yourself with talking therapy and other creative things such as meditation, tai chi, regular exercise, art, music and generally finding out what makes you feel better about yourself, does help alot too.

It's about builiding up self confidence and self esteem. If you were to go back on the drugs (and I am certainly not giving you advise either way here, that is totally up to you to decide) then I would say it is important to build up your coping skills in life AS WELL as taking the drugs. Then, when you taper off them, you will already have a lifestyle in place where you have other things that you have belief and confidence in that help you. If you feel that self confidence came totally from taking the drug, then it is important to arm yourself with lots of other ways of building self confidence too.

You are right, it is about being who you really are, and learning to handle yourself can come from getting help from a therapist. Maybe also looking into why you feel insecure and often it is amazing how, when a person understand why they are a certain way, they then can do something that they know can directly help that particular problem.

I am not sure if I have been that helpful to you, but I would visit my gp and ask to be referred for talking therapy. I would explain just as you have done, about how since stopping the cipralex you have noticed yourself becoming depressed again. If you do go back on the drugs, then that is not the stopping point of getting better, there is also talking therapy alongside it that is extremely helpful; also learning about relaxation, taking up an interest such as a sport or artistic pastime; something that will make you feel better about yourself as a person. It will be difficult at first, but it will be worth it. If you decide not to go back on the cipralex, then all the above still applies; sometimes it's really a case of learning to understand ourselfs and be kinder to ourselves. That may sound obvious, but in today's world, it is often difficult to stop and become really aware of who you are and whether you feel grounded in the here and now, which is very important. Meditation is good Lee. If you can find somewhere that runs classes. Everything will be difficult to start with; its about building p confidence, in small steps. And maybe also about expressing how you feel and what helps you to feel better to your girlfriend?

Hope this helps a bit though. Wishing you all the best and hope you are able to go and see your doctor soon.

Sarah :0)    (Thu Nov 23 11:26 2006)

Thank you both so much for your fast response. My mind is now made up, I am going there..i will make the phone call tomorrow.
Greg, the course is CBT for Depression. Not sure if it's for me, but have to give it a try. Got to stop being negative, but that's difficult for me right now. As for the Cipralex, I'll wait patiently for the effect to kick in hopefully soon. Thanks again guys, really appreciate the feedback..and of course I will hopefully feedback something positive on 'therapy' shortly..   (Wed Nov 22 18:16 2006)

Hello folks,
I started taking cipralex 20mg for depression and a total lack of self-confidence at the age of 21. 2 1/2 years later, at 23, I tapered myself off, after growing much as a person with help from the drug. My confidence was better than ever before, my love/sex life was great, and I wasn't so paranoid that everyone would dislike me/find me akward to be around/my gf would leave me for someone better (ie-more of a man/confident)etc.
Anyways, stopped about 6 months ago, recently started a new job, and have found myself slipping back to avoiding sitting with others at lunch and spending my lunchtimes alone. Have started crying for little reason, and grenerally feeling moody and low.
I stopped the drugs because I thought I'd passed all those symptoms of an unhappy childhood.
Anyone any suggestions regarding becoming the more stable person i was when on medication?
Part of me feels as if its pointless going back on the drugs, because that person wan't really me, if you know what I mean. This person is me, and I think I just need to learn how to handle myself, and ignore my insecurities....   (Wed Nov 22 17:47 2006)

Hello Anne

Yes, I would echo what Greg (I think he forgot to put his name) says about going to the Priory.

It's a wonderful opportunity to get some top help. Group or individual, any help is better than having no help.

It is only natural to feel nervous about starting something new; you will maybe find new friends, or at the very least, it will further emphasise to you that you are not alone in it all.

I wish you all the very best with the Priory. Maybe you can let us know how you get on? I used to go to a group for art therapy and it was just amazing meeting different people and building up my confidence around people again.

It can only be good news; tell yourself it is fine to feel nervous about starting the therapy; you will not be alone with that, and often the best things in life turn out to be those that we approached with trepidation, but turned out to be life changing.

Glad you have found this site helpful; there is some wonderful stuff on here - maybe it should be made into a self-help book!!!!

Love Sarah XXX   (Wed Nov 22 16:53 2006)

The Priory Southgate?

you have to go.

What you will learn there will be so important to learning to live with anxiety.

What classes have you been recommended for.

I started on the Panic classes and CBT then stopped cbt to do the mindfullness course. That is one course that i would highly recommend. it is wierd to stat with but it will change your thinking in life.

dont worry about a thing because once you are there you will see that there are so many other people just like you.
in fact you may even see that you are not actuallyas bad as you think.

all the best.   (Wed Nov 22 12:52 2006)

Hello all, I have just been prescribed Cipralex, and have been researching the medication and came across this wonderful site. Have spent literally hours reading all of your valuable contributions, and I have to say I am really impressed with how much time and support you are giving to each other!
I've just taken my 10th cipralex tablet and I must say I'm feeling pretty rough, so tired, sleeping at every chance I get, and have absolutely no appetite hence the weight seems to be dropping off. Also I've been recommended for day care at the Priory which I'm feeling very dubious about, as the sessions are group ones, something that I would usually avoid due to my anxiety of speaking in front of others. I can't see how sitting as part of a group can help me identify and deal with my own problems, and I'm really terrified to be honest. But I've been offered the chance and feel at least I should give it a go....did any of you on here feel the same dread at going into 'group therapy' like me? I feel I owe it to my family and friends to sort myself out as certainly my family all tell me that I am not the person I used to be...and I know that is true. I feel lost in 'limbo' with anxiety and depression, and I have no motivation at all to help myself. I almost feel like a failure that I've resorted to medication, and I'm embarrassed to be honest. But reading all of your messages here has given me abit of hope that there may be light at the end of the tunnel! It has made me feel like I am not alone in this mess.    (Wed Nov 22 10:59 2006)

Hey Trish. There are parts of therapy that many of us will find painful. Try to remember that a good therapist will help you to deal with stuff you haven't recognized or haven't wanted to think about. And it's hard sometimes, but for me the benefits have been completely worth it!

Yes, doing nothing is much harder in the long run. I tried to hang in, just grin and bear it, and it caught up to me in overwhelming anxiety - I felt awful almost every day.

The good news is that I feel really good these days - Trish, good luck with the therapy. It has been awesome for me and I hope it's the same for you.   (Sat Nov 18 0:39 2006)

Thank you so much Sarah, and you too, Misty. I cannot find the words at the moment, but I am sitting and thinking and attempting to unmeddle my head. Lots of painful issues are surfacing from my therapy, stuff I have denied, blocked, put on that mask of normality about.Now, I have to face issues and make choices and God, it is hard. But doing nothing must be harder? Ouch, it all hurts so much. Trish xx   (Thu Nov 16 8:39 2006)

This board sure has come alive again.

Its actually sometimes really hard to keep loggin on here. because there are always new people who are suffering so much. and sitting at a computer you cant just give the person a huge hug.

Blossom:

Have you seen a good therapist one that explains what those panics are. You seem to be scare dof them , and it is that that keeps them going.
Your first panic would have happened for a reason . unfortunately they are so very overwhelming and we are then scared of it happening again. by saying "i dont want it to happen " its more likely to happen.
you need to talk to a specialist who can talk you through that panic. because once you know what anxiety/panic is it becomes less scary.

I f@cking hate doctors(sorry about the language but its how i feel) why do they give out these drugs. THEY DO NOT ADDRESS THE ISSUE.

A GOOD THERAPIST WHO SPECIALISES IN PANIC/ANXIETY IS THE THING THAT WILL HELP YOU THROUGH.

Please just be aware that you are not alone. 3 and a half years ago i couldnt do anything. and i mean anything without feeling awful. here i am now getting a company through its audit.
There is a light at the end of that very dark tunnel. if you squibt you will see us all there calling you towards it.
Please seek the help from a specialist.

Yves:

you went through a hard time. why is it us humans think that we have to be so strong. "we should be able to handle everything ,after all everyone else does. what is wrong with me. i am a failure"
life can be hard , so dont be so hard on yourself. seek help from friends,family and a therapist who can help you through.

Again bloody doctors. "i am struggling with life doctor ". "what you need is this magic tablet" "but doctor you have not even asked what is causing me to feel like this, how the hell can you solve my life problems in ten minutes. is your name Harry Potter(i put that because i forgot how to spell merlin,put the point still the same. although i am not sure if you would take advice from a moody kid)"


Best of wishes to the both of you. we have all been in that awful place. it does take a lot to get out of , but it is worth it.
life can be pretty amazing.

i have a picture of a cheetah on my pc. so its the first thing i see when i get to work. it reminds me how amazing this world is.
   (Thu Nov 16 4:18 2006)

my mom past away last year was on cipralex after 1 year slowly stop taking it felt o.k at the time and having little problem with sex.lots of stressfull event with my dad this years .i guess it was to hard for me to handle.worrying about everything for anything i am not living but only worries i am back on cipralex 10 m.g a day can someone
talk to me 15-11-2006   (Wed Nov 15 21:08 2006)

From Blossom. I started with panic attacks when I was 19 years of age just after I was married. Always had a very close family, and 7 months after the marriage I had my first panic attack, which developed into agoraphobia, my son was born when I was 21, and the anxiety seemed to stop a bit, but I have never been without the odd Panic attack and always afraid to travel. I am addicted to Diazepam over 35 years, and am on Cipralex now 3 years, but have deveoped Depression with it, not a day goes past I cry with Fear, I am so lost and lonely, as all my family have passed away, I feel emptyinside now.
I was on Seroxat for 3 years, and the stupid doctor took me off them cold turkey, and that was 6 years ago, since then I have had a terrible time, Can anyone help me to overcome this continual crying please. from Blossom    (Wed Nov 15 16:00 2006)

I want to add something to Sarah's wise words if I may. Trish, you are NOT a failure. My belief is that you are only failing if you fail to try. And here you are talking to people, seeing a psychiatrist every week and trying medication. In NO way are you a failure. It takes HUGE courage to ask for help!

Trish I've been at this for awhile now. I feel better, but I believe that I owe a great deal of this to my insistence on finding people to help me. A lot of doctors will throw meds at you and forget about you. That wasn't the solution for me. I absolutely had to have someone spend the time with me to understand where the heck I'm having trouble. I have been in therapy for 1 and a half years. Before going into therapy I would likely have said that's a long time. But we humans are so complex, and the mind is so intricate, that finding the roots of why we feel bad takes time.

I would say I felt as desolate and afraid as you sound right now. But I got better! Be patient, Trish, patient with yourself most of all. Stay in close contact with your doctors and ask LOTS of questions. That is their job after all, don't ever feel like you're weak or unintelligent in asking something. We all have to start somewhere.    (Wed Nov 15 14:23 2006)

Thank you Greg. I am learning a lot from you, you put things in a meaningful way. I think I understand what you're saying about setbacks as I've had them in previous attempts at dealing with anxiety. My therapist now is pretty good about this kind of thing as he has been trying to prepare me for the setbacks. When I've felt like I've been going along really well for a couple of months and then inexplicably have a bad WEEK, it is so upsetting to me! I get mad at myself, why can't I do this? is what I ask myself. But then my therapist says 'for one thing Misty, what if it's not a setback, what if it's life?' Which actually does settle me down because it's true that every normal human being will have hard times. But if it's bad enough, yep it's a setback and you feel like you're starting from scratch. Right now, I am not sure how I will handle the really bad breaks - but part of that for me will be asking my therapist for help.

What you said about self esteem, self worth, confidence. That's SO important, Greg. Because I bet there are a lot of people like me who ended up with an anxiety disorder and believed their self esteem was just fine. One day my therapist said to me, 'Is it more important to you to be liked or to be respected? I immediately said to be liked is more important. So then there is that little pause which means that your therapist wants you to think about what you just said, haha. You see, as the therapy had progressed he could see that esteem might be an issue, but found a way that I would realize this for myself. He then asked me if that answer surprised me and we talked about how both would be important but that self esteem NEEDS respect from self and others. This opened up huge doors for me as I began the process of building my own esteem. As I progress in awareness of self, I can also sit longer with the anxiety because I know that the anxiety is NOT ME. Just a feeling. Like the waves that you describe Greg, it'll come and go. It is only by me adding fear into the anxiety that I can keep the storm going strong.

Thanks Greg. You're very kind. I hope you're around when I have that setback. :-)   (Wed Nov 15 14:12 2006)

Dear Trish

I'm glad it helped you, what I wrote, but sorry it made you cry, however I would say that you are not being negative in that you can rightly see the positive side in being able to cry - feeling numb is horrible, it's like you don't feel a part of the world even when you feel numb.

I like to hope that being depressed isn't a selfish thing. I think I would be told in therapy that thinking that way is not helpful to myself or healing even. And it's being very judgemental and harsh too. Everything has a reason Trish. There is a reason why you feel as you do; maybe what you hate is the horrible feeling of depression, rather than as you say the "selfishness" of it. Maybe alot of feeling so bad is due to our being such a harsh judge of ourselves; maybe if we were to take a kinder and more self accepting attitude of ourselves we would feel a bit better?

Trish, I have done quite a bit of meditation with buddhist tradition. Alot of what they teach is about learning to love yourself. Now you may say, what has that got to do with how you feel right now, but practising being kinder and starting to believe that there is good inside us and we are lovable is a huge step to overcoming the harsh voice inside that is often in the form of depression. The voice of depression likes us to think things such as we are selfish, we don't deserve this, or we are bad etc. It keeps depression alive.

Challenging that voice by trying to adopt a kinder way of being to ourselves does in fact sort of put a spanner in the works of depression because when we feel a bit kinder towards ourselves we actually feel a bit better!

Depression also thrives on keeping us isolated. I am telling you these things because I have learnt them myself. When I shut myself away from people it is worse; forcing myself out, even for a short walk, helps. It really does. Forcing yourself to do ONE thing you find pleasurable helps. It is difficult to get the motivation, but by doing that you break the pattern that depression has in trying to force you into isolation from others and from enjoying anything in life. It's not easy to force yourself to be kind to yourself, to maybe take a bath and relax listening to some music you enjoy; watching a funny film when the depression insdie you says it wants to just shut the door and hide and not have anything to do with anyone. But when you do force yourself to do these things, it does lift your mood. It really does. Even if only for a short time.

Writing down how you feel also helps. Maybe in poem form if you are that way inclined? Painting a picture, singing a song you know, walking and looking out for one special thing; trying to lay on your bed or sofa and just "being" in that you relax every part of your body even if only for a very short time; it ALL HELPS.

As for cleaning the house............well, who am i to talk!!! The most important thing is to find something that Helps you right now. The cleaning can wait; yes, there may well be a muddle, I too have a muddle around me, but I think the important thing to do for yourself right now is something that will uplift your mood even if ever so slightly.

When you get the days when you pace the house; I have found its so important to get out and go for a walk. Just getting out of the house environment helps, even though it is extremely hard work, and much more appealing to lay in bed and feel alone. I know because I do all these things!

It is difficult for me to think of the best things to help, because me being only a human being am bound to make the wrong remarks at times and also because I find I am struggling at times too so don't always help in the ways I am trying to do. However, if there is one thing I could say it's this.

Don't be harsh on yourself. Thinking that depression and anxiety are selfish diseases is feeding your bad feelings more and more. Trying to have a totally different viewpoint on that same sentance can change how you feel; for instance, you could say that being depressed is a valuable opportunity to learn about how to make yourself happy for the rest of your life, instead of struggling through life, you will become enlightened on your behaviour and especially become educated about feelings and emotions, and in the process really understand what being a human being is. It's about that special you that you know is there deep inside; maybe wanting some love and care and understanding.

Lots of love, Sarah XXX   (Wed Nov 15 11:24 2006)

Thank you for your reply. You have made me cry, which is good, as I feel so numb. I am just so scared - some days I just pace the house like a caged animal.I look at the muddle around me, housework to do and just freeze. I have managed to go to work mostly, but today cannot do it. I used to have an amazing job in a theatre but was made redundant. I now just work part time at a vets and it did help - but I now find even that a huge struggle. I so want to look outside of myself, and I HATE the selfishness of this "illness". I am sorry to be so negative. And, it is a very lonely place to be which is why this site must help. Thank you again. xx   (Wed Nov 15 6:30 2006)

Dear Trish

I too felt like you. I wasn't up to finding the answer within myself at the stage your now at. It's perfectly OK to feel not up to that stage at the moment. Alot of us on here have had to have alot of help (myself I know) before even starting to face the answers - at the moment you need to be KIND to yourself and allow yourself to get all the help you so deserve right now.

It takes time, please I know it is daunting reading stuff like maybe I am now writing, but 3 years ago I was writing a different story; I have been to see many health professionals, and in that time and the effort they and I have put into things, things have slowly changed. You have to congratulate yourslef that now you are at least on your way to healing yourself.


Please don't feel like you should suddenly be like some of us now are; we have trodden your path and slowly coming out the other side. With the help of your therapist and the medication you are doing the best you can for yourself right now. It takes time.

Your hope is that you are geting help; you are writing on here and seeing that you are not alone and that other people have been where you now are and have somehow found a way to get better. That will be you too, can you see that?

It takes time.

It's a scary place you are in right now, I know, I have often been there. But I have learnt alot and I do know an important thing, "intense feelings don't stay intense all the time, they lessen" and that is how it goes; if you hang onto that you will realise it is like Greg says, sort of riding the waves.

You are not alone, please remember that, there is hope and there is a way forward, we are proof of that surely?

Love Sarah XXX   (Wed Nov 15 6:09 2006)

I have just found this site after looking up cipralex. I am feeling just so terrible at the moment - depression and severe anxiety for nearly 3 years now. But, at last I am having weekly therapy and weekly appointments with a pyschiatrist. Having tried numerous antidepressants I am now on Mirtazapine at night and started 10mg cipralex this morning. So many of your posts have given me hope, but have also scared me. Somehow, the knowledge that the cure for my anxiety is within my self is too hard to contemplate as I feel so weak and such a failure anyway.At the moment, every aspect of my life is a huge worry - even getting to the supermarket is a feat in itself. As someone on here has said - I have lost the person I was and so has my husband and family.Sorry to ramble on in such a self absorbing way.....I just need some hope..   (Wed Nov 15 5:59 2006)

Doing nothing teaches our body that all is ok.

From meeting lots of people t the priory you tend to find that most problems relate to insecuities and self worth.

We carry those feelings with us throughout our life and we build up defences to control those feelings. we dont go into situations that we know will cause us problems.

Then one day something happens that blows those defences down. and those overwhleming feelings come rushing through.

As i have said before it is only a natural thing for our body to go "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

its the fact that it is so overwhelming that we get into such states. It is at that point that a good therapist could put us back on the right road.

My road was the doctor saying " take this and all will be well". RIGHT!!!!

Misty, the next big test for you will be your first set back. I hope it never comes but if it does. Just ride the wave , it will settle down.
And it will neve be as bad as your lowest point.
you have learnt to much for that to happen. it may seem like it but dont listen to those negative thoughts.

you see i did.the spiral seems so easy to slip down.

dont want to scare you , just trying to help.

all the best.   (Wed Nov 15 4:09 2006)

Wow Sarah! You make so much sense to me. And your therapist sounds like mine. Would you believe that besides my immediate family no one has ever thought I was feeling any anger - ever? Not only did I not show it by expressing it with behaviour, I didn't let any hint of it show in the expression on my face. I definitely never said to anyone, 'That upsets me.' or 'I feel angry about that.' So people just assume everything is okay - 'Misty is always happy, isn't she? What a nice person she is - and how strong that she doesn't let things get to her'.

Well, yes, the avoidance of showing those things, what I saw as 'negative' emotions, has had a pretty big cost. Emotions are just emotions - as soon as we see some as positive and some as negative we start to feel that we should disallow the 'bad' ones. We can control our behaviours but in always trying to control the emotions by disallowing them, we hurt ourselves. The thing is, I said to my therapist, it HURTS to let myself feel angry or sad or disgusted. Well, it's supposed to! If we ignore it, it gets shoved inside and hurts us in some other way. Sitting with emotion is one of the most difficult things we humans can do. Expressing it in a positive way is one of the healthiest.

The whole issue of avoidance is big for me. All my life I have been avoiding situations where I believe I will feel scared or angry or disgusted. For me, avoidance of feelings has led to avoidance of places and people - an anxiety disorder was my big wake up call to get out there!

Sarah, in reading your posts I wish you lived next door to me! You are so positive and so wise. :-) I appreciate seeing what you do for everyone here.

Greg, when you say the cure for anxiety is nothing, I know what you mean. I think you're saying that we have to stop looking at treating the 'anxiety'. I think we have to look at the larger picture. See what's brought it on - see what it's trying to tell us. As my therapist once said to me, 'Can you see how your anxiety is perfect?' I couldn't see it then; but I'm seeing it now. Bless you for stating so well how awful anxiety can make us feel, but how we truly do need it. It's taken a while for me to even begin to accept it; but the paradox is that as we accept it, it starts to slowly but surely get better.   (Tue Nov 14 15:41 2006)

Hey Misty!

I have just read your message and it has prompted me to write!

I think what you have said is so very true. I especially think what you said about when we are children and maybe our parents have tried to move us onto the next feeling before properly acknowledging and allowing us to feel the one that upset us. That makes alot of sense to me.

I too used to think it was a strength to bottle things up or try to ignore what I was feeling and try to cover it up with other behaviour. But you are right, about avoidance. And it doesn't go away does it, it stays within us unresolved.

You are saying just what my therapist says to me. "It's ok to feel sadness" or whatever else emotion you are feeling. It's about giving ourselves permission to feel these emotions and not start to panic and think they are going to overwhelm us, to remember that they are feelings and as you say, not behaviours, and how important that distinction really is. I have been told many times, "Feelings don't have to be acted on, they are just that, feelings........." and I think when we start to learn about feelings being OK then maybe we can move forward in life without being so afraid of what feelings have meant to us in the past.

And yes, as you say, feelings are emotional responses that we need to be comfortable eventually just to sit with and let be. To accept as a part of ourselves. Our bodies tell us so many things, and listening to our feelings may make us understand what it is that is wrong in our lives.

I agree too! Therapy should be prescribed for people given pills! It is sad that there is so little available for everyone, in talking therapy, but maybe one day that will change, maybe in our lifetime, and then people will start to learn more about accepting our bodies and minds and what they are telling us.

Love Sarah XXX   (Tue Nov 14 6:16 2006)